Wednesday, 18 January 2017

The Bye Bye Man - The scoop and digest

Adapted from The Bridge to Body Island, (a chapter from non-fiction book The President's Vampire), director Stacey Title's teenage horror hopes our skin will crawl with fear.

Douglas Smith - Elliot
Cressida Bonas - Sasha
Lucien Laviscount - John
Carrie-Anne Moss - Detective Shaw
Jenna Kanell - Kim
Doug Jones - Bye Bye Man

In 1969, a man commits mass murder on his block and before pulling the trigger, asks victims if they spoke of 'his name'.

Remember this, never forget this:

"Don't say it, don't think it."

From now on, above will be referred to as 'motto'.

Jumping to the present, Elliot, his girlfriend Sasha, and best bud John, party like there's another tomorrow at their off-campus house.

Elliot finds mysterious nightstand with motto written repeatedly inside, and The Bye Bye Man.

John's psychic associate Kim makes contact with something unpleasant during a seance, prompting her to hysterically state [motto], and silly old Elliot says [censored].

You complete and utter ASSHOLE.

Kim is killed by a 'random' train when trying to rescue a family, and the police inevitably bust Elliot's paranoid balls.

Bacon is saved because suicide note reveals she murdered roommate and planned to continue insatiable blood lust.

If searching for Bye Bye Man on internet draws a blank, try motto?

Bingo.

Newspaper archives informs teenager killed his family and told a journalist (man from beginning), that the Bye Bye Man forced his hand.

Scene from beginning is given extra meat, with Bye Bye Man bearing witness to journalistic suicide.

Reporter's widow is paid a visit and solution is simple pimples.

Kill everybody who knows, then top yourself.

Elliot decides to fight back by ignoring deception, theoretically weakening him.

Back at ranch, curse convinces John and Sasha to turn on each other.

Our man shows up and intervenes, ultimately killing girlfriend, not John.

Whoops.

Bye Bye Man gives Elliot another mind trip and protecting Virgil and Alice, pulls the gun on himself.

In the aftermath of house burning down for no fucking reason, charred survivor John whispers 'Bye Bye' into Detective Shaw's ear.

OH... MY... GOD!!!

Idea was decent, but words cannot even begin to describe how incredibly BAD this was.

Even though it's only January, this will be the golden turkey of 2017.

Contemptible jump scares, inept editing and surreal situations are just the tip of shitberg.

Penned by Jonathan Penner, script can be unintentionally hilarious.

Librarian Mrs Watkins chews the fat with Elliot in book paradise and declares bloke of 1969 'must've been batshit crazy'.

Acting?

HA HA HA!

Everybody's horrendous, but Douglas Smith (of Ouija fame), sparkles in one very special scene.

Slamming on Everly Brothers 50s hit Bye Bye Love, Elliot decides to sing along.

During which, a frankly bizarre tantrum, and/or seizure ensues.

Was this supposed to be a fucking joke?

Whatever, bring on the parody.

For fun, Bye Bye Baby and Bye Bye Badman are tracks by Bay City Rollers and The Stone Roses respectively.

Oh, Bye Bye Braverman is a 1968 film.

Shortly after, he mows down hallucination and looks back in triumph; only for the now cursed Mrs Watkins to 'conveniently' appear in front of him.

I laughed out loud.

Nearly as amusing is John's reaction after Elliot whacks him over the head with a baseball bat.

'Are you crazy bro?'

Or something to that effect.

Surely antagonist saves the day, right?

Not really.

All asshole basically does is point the finger.

Yeah, absolutely terrifying.

Who is he? How did he come to be? What's his beef?

We don't know, because it's never explained.

Oh, CGI for pet hellmutt is unsurprisingly appalling.

Primary concern is limp ass ending leaves door ajar for sequel (or prequel).

Can't wait.

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