Thursday, 23 November 2017

Justice League - The scoop and digest

Following events in Dawn of Justice, can Zack Snyder* finally deal the DCEU a good hand?

*Writers Joss Whedon and Chris Terrio oversaw re-shoots, as director quit part way through to deal with daughter's tragic suicide.

Ben Affleck - Batman/Bruce Wayne
Gal Gadot - Wonder Woman/Diana Prince
Henry Cavill - Superman/Clark Kent
Ezra Miller - The Flash/Barry Allen
Jason Momoa - Aquaman/Arthur Curry
Ray Fisher - Cyborg/Victor Stone
Amy Adams - Lois Lane
Jeremy Irons - Alfred
CiarĂ¡n Hinds - Steppenwolf (voice)

Assisted by his army of Parademons, all powerful being Steppenwolf plans to create Apokolips on Earth by uniting three Mother Boxes.

With Superman dead, Bruce Wayne, already allied with Diana Prince, recruit The Flash, Aquaman and Cyborg to save the world.

During which, baddie acquires boxes from Themyscira and Atlantis.

Cyborg retrieves final box, which is used to resurrect Superman inside the waters of Kryptonian craft.

Just in case you've somehow not heard...

At the time, Cavill was working on Mission: Impossible 6 and Paramount wouldn't allow him to shave off very loud moustache, so Warner Bros had to digitally remove growth for re-shot scenes; hence why area above upper lip looks very weird.

Confused and somewhat slightly dazed, Superman nearly kills Batman, but contingency plan of Lois Lane saves his ass.

Supes takes top totty back to family home in Smallville to chill out.

With box left completely unguarded, Steppenwolf can't believe his luck.

(Shakes head).

In Russia, quintet plow through Parademons, but are unable to distract Steppenwolf long enough to separate merged boxes.

Right on predictable cue, Superman shows up and team manage to overwhelm baddie.

Smelling fear, minions turn on master, with teleportation device Boom Tube banishing all.

Bruce, Alfred and Diana decide to rebuild Wayne Manor and install a round table in the main hall.

The others go about their daily business, with Clark resuming role as Superman.

Not long after credits roll, Allen and Kent have a race to the Pacific coast.

Wait a while longer...

Having already escaped from Arkham Asylum, Lex suggests to Slade Wilson they should form a 'league of their own'.


Where to fucking start?

Cramming so much into a 2 hour mandate is asking for trouble and sure enough, result is disorganised chaos.

Apart from Gadot, (undoubtedly the best thing about whole sorry situation), the rest look like they'd rather be somewhere else.

Special effects are impressive, but at the same time, CG can be patchy and unfinished.

If action sequences were half as pretty as pyrotechnics, maybe banality wouldn't make me throw up.


There isn't any.

Instead of goodies just destroying wave after wave of Parademons, why not make things more interesting and invite a few more members of Darkseid's Elite to the party?

Steppenwolf is the greatest super villain ever and born to be wild, right?

Put it this way, I would rather pay to watch several coats of paint dry.

The way it's going, Darkseid will finally appear in Justice League 84.

With the appearance of Supes imminent, characters amusingly go into exposition overdrive.

Okay, we know it's going to happen, but why make it so fucking obvious?

Aquaman reacts to Superman helping out in climatic battle by exclaiming 'Alright!'


Delivery is appalling, but at least Cyborg blurting out catchphrase 'Booyah' is from Teen Titans.

Right near the end, people are helping Clark move back in, but nobody bats an eyelid.

Maybe they were the only ones unaware of Superman's passing.

Ha ha ha!

Gary Clark Jr, and Junkie XL perform The Beatles' Come Together for the majority of end credits.

Oh... my... GOD!

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