J. A. 'The Orphanage' Bayona follows up Colin Trevorrow's 2015 blockbuster with something that hopefully reinvents franchise's wheel.
Chris Pratt - Owen Grady
Bryce Dallas Howard - Claire
Rafe Spall - Eli Mills
Toby Jones - Gunnar Eversol
Ted Levine - Ken Wheatley
Justice Smith - Franklin
James Cromwell - Benjamin Lockwood
B.D. Wong - Dr. Henry Wu
Three years after previous film, a strong opening sees a team of mercs using submersible to extract a tooth from the Indominus skeleton lying at the bottom of Mosasaurus lagoon.
Despite Rexy attack and Mosa enjoying a meal, mission is successful.
News report informs that a once dormant volcano on Isla Nublar will soon become active.
After all these years, they just found it?
(Frowns).
Keen to save dinos from extinction, Claire has formed the Dinosaur Protection Group.
She meets John Hammond's former business partner Benjamin Lockwood (who until now, has never been mentioned before), and his right-hand man Eli Mills, who offer to move dinos to another island.
Transporting x amount of species will be a doddle, but locating Blue may prove troublesome.
Enter Mr. Grady.
Wheatley and his merry band of mercs shoot Blue and tranq Owen, leaving him for dead.
Volcano erupts, causing a stampede, but Owen, Claire and IT geek Franklin survive.
As they sneak aboard huge cruise ship Arcadia, which is now packed with captured dinos, Nublar is destroyed.
At Lockwood's estate, Mills uses auctioneer Eversol to sell creatures to mega rich businessmen.
Masrani Corp. isn't quite Biosyn, but hey ho.
We also hear about Wu's latest creation, the Indoraptor.
Hybrid is based on Indominus's DNA and Owen's Raptor research, with the added kick of advanced tracking capabilities.
When Lockwood gets wind of dino auction, Mills murders him.
Owen and Claire are imprisoned, but while bidding is in full swing, they escape cell by exploiting the services of a Stygimoloch.
Indo is brought in to tease prospective buyers, but resident nutter causes shit to the hit the fan, giving super hybrid licence to have a bit of fun.
At some point, Wu is tranqued, and Mills reveals that Maisie is actually a clone of Lockwood's dead daughter.
Okay then.
After a game of 'dino goes stalking', Blue forces baddie through a glass roof, where it is impaled on horns of Triceratops skeleton.
Amusingly, camera shot foreshadows death.
Maisie gives dinos early parole and Mills is shared between Rexy and a Carnotaurus.
As our genetic friends explore the world, Wu's samples are recovered at the estate.
Film ends with Blue letting off signature calling yelp.
A completely unnecessary post-credits scene has pterosaurs flying around a replica of the Eiffel Tower in Las Vegas.
Calamity
To purposely misquote Jeff Goldblum's Dr. Ian Malcom in the original Jurassic Park:
"This was one big pile of shit."
Preposterous plot makes no fucking sense and how events transpire is frankly unbelievable.
Action sequences rehash previous entries, less the excitement or suspense.
Pratt and Howard again share chemistry, but pantomime villains contribute nothing to proceedings.
Oh, it's obligatory for some asshole to carry the burden of comic relief.
Fuck you Franklin.
Check out some incredibly DUMB moments.
Almost immediately after Wheatley apparently 'knocks' Indo out, greedy merc enters cage and attempts to nick a tooth. If precautions were put in place, this may be plausible, but no - asshole just dives straight in, without even considering the fact that even if tranquilizer darts were effective, hyper intelligent dino could wake up at any moment.
Guess what? He dies.
FFS!
As soon as rain-soaked finale ends, so does torrential downpour.
Best of all, gotta love lion trading roars with Rexy.
HA HA HA!
Other than to boost variety, the likes of Sinoceratops, Baryonx, Stegosaurus, Dimetrodon, Carnotaurus and Allosaurus serve little purpose.
There is one genuine highlight.
When approaching Maisie hiding under bed sheets, Indo casts shadow on wall, mimicking Count Orlok in Nosferatu.
Bizarre
How best to sum this up?
A reimagining of The Lost World: Jurassic Park.
Well yeah, but what about Resident Evil?
Lockwood Estate = Spencer Mansion.
Indoraptor = Tyrant.
Hmmm...
What a shame self-destruct system isn't activated.
Once Indo escapes, bungled mess transforms into gothic horror, equating to a mild version of Alien.
(Head in hands).
Scheduled for Summer 2021, Trevorrow will be back to direct the third.
God only knows what will happen next.
Chris Pratt - Owen Grady
Bryce Dallas Howard - Claire
Rafe Spall - Eli Mills
Toby Jones - Gunnar Eversol
Ted Levine - Ken Wheatley
Justice Smith - Franklin
James Cromwell - Benjamin Lockwood
B.D. Wong - Dr. Henry Wu
Three years after previous film, a strong opening sees a team of mercs using submersible to extract a tooth from the Indominus skeleton lying at the bottom of Mosasaurus lagoon.
Despite Rexy attack and Mosa enjoying a meal, mission is successful.
News report informs that a once dormant volcano on Isla Nublar will soon become active.
After all these years, they just found it?
(Frowns).
Keen to save dinos from extinction, Claire has formed the Dinosaur Protection Group.
She meets John Hammond's former business partner Benjamin Lockwood (who until now, has never been mentioned before), and his right-hand man Eli Mills, who offer to move dinos to another island.
Transporting x amount of species will be a doddle, but locating Blue may prove troublesome.
Enter Mr. Grady.
Wheatley and his merry band of mercs shoot Blue and tranq Owen, leaving him for dead.
Volcano erupts, causing a stampede, but Owen, Claire and IT geek Franklin survive.
As they sneak aboard huge cruise ship Arcadia, which is now packed with captured dinos, Nublar is destroyed.
At Lockwood's estate, Mills uses auctioneer Eversol to sell creatures to mega rich businessmen.
Masrani Corp. isn't quite Biosyn, but hey ho.
We also hear about Wu's latest creation, the Indoraptor.
Hybrid is based on Indominus's DNA and Owen's Raptor research, with the added kick of advanced tracking capabilities.
When Lockwood gets wind of dino auction, Mills murders him.
Owen and Claire are imprisoned, but while bidding is in full swing, they escape cell by exploiting the services of a Stygimoloch.
Indo is brought in to tease prospective buyers, but resident nutter causes shit to the hit the fan, giving super hybrid licence to have a bit of fun.
At some point, Wu is tranqued, and Mills reveals that Maisie is actually a clone of Lockwood's dead daughter.
Okay then.
After a game of 'dino goes stalking', Blue forces baddie through a glass roof, where it is impaled on horns of Triceratops skeleton.
Amusingly, camera shot foreshadows death.
Maisie gives dinos early parole and Mills is shared between Rexy and a Carnotaurus.
As our genetic friends explore the world, Wu's samples are recovered at the estate.
Film ends with Blue letting off signature calling yelp.
A completely unnecessary post-credits scene has pterosaurs flying around a replica of the Eiffel Tower in Las Vegas.
Calamity
To purposely misquote Jeff Goldblum's Dr. Ian Malcom in the original Jurassic Park:
"This was one big pile of shit."
Preposterous plot makes no fucking sense and how events transpire is frankly unbelievable.
Action sequences rehash previous entries, less the excitement or suspense.
Pratt and Howard again share chemistry, but pantomime villains contribute nothing to proceedings.
Oh, it's obligatory for some asshole to carry the burden of comic relief.
Fuck you Franklin.
Almost immediately after Wheatley apparently 'knocks' Indo out, greedy merc enters cage and attempts to nick a tooth. If precautions were put in place, this may be plausible, but no - asshole just dives straight in, without even considering the fact that even if tranquilizer darts were effective, hyper intelligent dino could wake up at any moment.
Guess what? He dies.
FFS!
As soon as rain-soaked finale ends, so does torrential downpour.
Best of all, gotta love lion trading roars with Rexy.
HA HA HA!
Other than to boost variety, the likes of Sinoceratops, Baryonx, Stegosaurus, Dimetrodon, Carnotaurus and Allosaurus serve little purpose.
There is one genuine highlight.
When approaching Maisie hiding under bed sheets, Indo casts shadow on wall, mimicking Count Orlok in Nosferatu.
Bizarre
How best to sum this up?
A reimagining of The Lost World: Jurassic Park.
Well yeah, but what about Resident Evil?
Lockwood Estate = Spencer Mansion.
Indoraptor = Tyrant.
Hmmm...
What a shame self-destruct system isn't activated.
Once Indo escapes, bungled mess transforms into gothic horror, equating to a mild version of Alien.
(Head in hands).
Scheduled for Summer 2021, Trevorrow will be back to direct the third.
God only knows what will happen next.
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