Friday 10 April 2020

Resident Evil 3

Aside from characters and obviously antagonist, this re-imagines, rather than remakes 1999 original.

I still don't understand why 'Nemesis' was omitted from title though.

After all, it's meant to be 'his' game, right?

Just so we're clear, this takes place before, during and after Resi 2 (2019).

Warning.

Major spoilers ahead.

Summary

On September 28 1998, Raccoon City has been decimated by the T-Virus.

After waking from her interactive nightmare, Jill Valentine is attacked by seemingly indestructible bioweapon Nemesis, who has a hard-on for S.T.A.R.S.

She's helped by U.B.C.S. mercenary Carlos Oliveira, but will it be enough to survive the horror?

'Arklay on steroids' embarrasses the bright lights of Las Vegas, but looks nice.
Monsters

Although there are a few new models, majority of zombies are recycled.

Pale Heads from DLC campaigns Runaway and No Way Out are encountered in NEST 2.

Yet they are much slower than before.

Anyway, here's the rest.

Drain Deimos

In order to puke up parasite and prevent certain death, a green herb must be used.
Yes, these guys are closely related to Brain Suckers, but cannot poison Jill.

In fact, nothing can, hence why blue herbs are absent.

Hunter 𝜸 (Gamma)


Get too close, and you'll be gobbled up.

Hmmm, not bad, but needs garlic.
Fucking puke-breathing, toad-faced motherfuckers!

Hunter 𝛃 (Beta)

Predator wannabes can cause problems.
But where's the giant spiders?

(Frowns).

Loose ends

What happened outside and inside RPD (prior to Claire and Leon arriving) is explained.

An infected Brad bites Marvin.
We can either end his suffering or leave him alone.
Now we know why he didn't physically appear in Resi 2.

How officiers were killed in what is still referred to as the Licker corridor is played out.
It was assumed that Nemesis caused a mess in shower room.

Unfortunately.

Carlos uses C4 to blow hole in wall.
Turning around reveals why valve handle was required to shut off steam.
However, hole on 3rd floor remains a mystery.

All in all, a missed opportunity.

The same annoying shit from Resi 2 remains.

We still can't examine background and corpses, or combine ammo with gun.

Jill may chat shit and state the obvious throughout, but unlike Claire, at least bitch doesn't say stuff like 'Oh no', 'What's up with you?', 'Shit' and 'Asshole' during gameplay.

There's also some odd changes.

Bin replaces red tick when item has served its purpose.

When hit, health isn't displayed on-screen.

Innumerable issues

There's only one place to begin.

Raccoon City

Undoubtedly the most interesting part of original was seeing more of what ruined city had to offer.

So I was really pumped to explore a vast, sprawling area, packed with new places to visit and fresh spins on old favourites, but was disgusted to find there isn't much difference between demo and finished article.

Due to linear nature, we can't even go back to see what happened to Dario Rosso.

I was convinced that important areas such as Cemetery and Park would eventually show up, but...

Even Clock Tower is reduced to just background detail.
Puzzles

We have to re-route subway station and once Antigen and Adjuvant are mixed, adjust temperature to synthesise vaccine base.

THAT'S IT.

Live events

A distant memory.

Carlos' dodge attack

Jill retains her dodge manoeuvre and if timed perfectly, slo-mo will kick in.

But if done with Mr. Oliveira, grizzled geezer will instead punch enemy.

Regular human being walloping a zombie and/or Hunter Beta?

Stupid.

Maybe it's taking the piss out of Chris infamously punching a boulder in Resi 5, but I doubt it.

Zombies

In Resi 2, ragdoll physics gave shambling friends licence to:

slump against walls;
stumble over furniture; and
throw themselves over balconies.

But now, they're completely disconnected from surroundings.

Fucking weird.

Also, forget about boarding up windows.

Gore has been drastically toned down, injuries are less pronounced and we can only dismember with gun.

Even then, limbs instantly vanish.

Spencer Memorial stand-off

As undead horde attack (along with the odd Hunter Beta thrown in for pointless measure), Carlos must protect Jill by ensuring barricaded door isn't breached.

Here's the thing.

Bodies don't remain - they explode.

WTAF?

The only logical explanation is that hardware wasn't powerful enough to handle situation.

Or feeling malicious, it's No Way Out with a new background.

Nemesis

Shipping Notice in NEST 2 confirms creature was dispatched on 1 September from CDG (Charles de Gaulle), to JFK (John F. Kennedy) to RC (Raccoon City).

France?

Okay then.

Let's take a look at design makeover.

What's with the needle teeth?
Piss poor attempt to make him look less like the Chatterer?

Whatever, bad ass is soon relegated to scripted action cut scenes and insipid boss battles.

There is no tension or suspense and all we do is fucking run.

Jesus Christ! It's like Resi 6 all over again.


How do you like your Jill sandwich?
Flame-grilled or toasted?
He then mutates into a huge dog thing.

But I have a question.

Why the FUCK is he wearing a skirt?
Penultimate set piece is basically the same as previous battle, only now it attacks with tentacle.
Obligatory wall of flesh is a mess.
Would it have broken hearts to include Gravedigger, or something else?

Obviously.

Jill holding the rail-gun looks fucking ridiculous.
Script

Terrible.

Jill calls Nemesis a 'crazy-ass stalker' and tells him to 'suck it'.

Before committing suicide, Mikhail signs off with 'Get off my train, shitbird.'

(Sigh).

However, the prize goes to Nathaniel Bard.

During tape recorded message, angry biologist labels random colleague a 'bedpan-changing waste of a nursing degree'.

HILARIOUS.

Post-credits

'Somebody' retrieves the broken vaccine case from table.
Verdict: 3/10

Despite lavish production values and some genuinely fun moments, Capcom should be embarrassed.

At barely three hours long, the amount cut from original is baffling and result can kiss my ass.

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