Tuesday 17 May 2022

Firestarter - The scoop and digest

Over the years, the works of Stephen King have been dealt some shockingly bad hands.

Exceptions to the rule include The Mist, The Dead Zone, Cujo, Misery, Carrie (1976), It, The Shining, The Green Mile, The Shawshank Redemption (Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption) and Stand By Me (The Body).

Keith Thomas's directorial debut (and only other feature) was rubbish supernatural horror The Vigil.

Can remake's flames burn brighter than Mark L. Lester's original?

Zac Efron - Andy McGee
Ryan Kiera Armstrong - Charlie McGee
Sydney Lemmon - Vicky McGee
Michael Greyeyes - Rainbird
Gloria Reuben - Captain Hollister
Kurtwood Smith - Dr. Joseph Wanless

Summary

Baby Charlie spontaneously sets her bedroom on fire, sending her father Andy into a panic.

Later in 2008, Andy and Vicky agree to trial experimental drug Lot-6, giving the power of telepathy and telekinesis respectively.

Present day.

Charlie is bullied at school and causes an explosion, with outburst attracting the attention of The Shop's new DSI Captain Hollister.

Drug's creator Dr. Wanless advises Charlie must be terminated before she kills everybody.

Hollister 'reactivates' the superhuman Rainbird to carry out murderous deed.

All fizzle, no sizzle

1984 film was by no means great, but compared to this - a classic.

Cheap CG, laughable performances, terrible screenplay and pathetic action sequences ensures boring piece of shit isn't even worthy of direct-to-video.

Also, why the FUCK did they alter story and ending?

Err.

Overall, self-immolation would have been more enjoyable.

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