Yes I know it's been a while since the last chunk but it matters not as you've hardly been starved of material...
I cordially invite you for light supper, a glass of milk and forgotten splashes of scrawls which on some occasions, suggest that the artists climbed the insanity tree and bumped into every twig on descent.
It's obligatory to feature international scrawls and while most are awful, some are decent and a select few are even good.
Adding bits with the bobs will demonstrate further detail and unless stated, all screens are from the arcade.
|Crystal ball, crystal ball, who is the shittest of all?|
|Techno, Power, Domination etc,|
Immortal, Twisted, Confusion etc;
What, The, Fuck etc!
|'Master'ful 'System'atic pain as these misfiring bazooka types wallow in flatulence. This woeful fuck pile is seriously lacking in style.|
|I can't really remember Conrad having an eyepiece but this isn't really that bad with a decent assortment of pretty colours.|
|A strange variation but again, not too offensive I suppose.|
|The original is usually the best and this doesn't rip up the form book. You can look at this standing on your head and it still looks cool. Well done, good show and high fives all round.|
|Sometimes in life, you have to take the rough with the smooth but here, we cruise with the perfunctory and putrid.|
|How the gun sparkles, unlike this depressing fountain of pig slurry. Behind the shades lie shame and unapologetic ignominy.|
|A sorry slab of steak that has less dignity than a corpse with a hangover.|
|When in doubt, shove a generic picture of a glorified woof woof that hopes to inspire joy and hope that the pixels you play, will actually be better than the cover you hate.|
|The muscles ripple, the veins pop and when I hunt them down, their limbs and fingers may be left broken in several places.|
|Wild Thing, you make my heart sink, you make it everything and nothing, wild thing, I think I despise you, and this shit makes me know for sure. Thanks to this, choking on phlegm now seems like an excellent way to waste the day.|
|Somebody should swiftly inject a brain melting, eye streaming mixed Phaal to ease the dreadful pain of this brain drain.|
|It tries, it fails and sucks more viciously than a straw enthusiast.|
|The subtlety of a silhouette is admirably captured.|
|If this was one of my favourite sandwiches, this cheese needs a bit more maturity before rubbing substance with the average Stilton.|
|The masked individual is fairly well drawn but is unfortunately slaughtered by a terrible mix of awkward posture and cliched attacks. Just look at this masterful mountain of misery.|
|Okay, it's another example of stupendous sterility but even with the unnecessary throwing stars, at least the arcade's title screen is captured.|
|This attempts to be mysterious but instead, rants and dribbles like a deranged loony.|
|We see him and he sees you but does the artist see that we're not impressed.|
|How many more positions can the ninja base itself around? Well, lots and this hardly dances in the moonlight. It falls down quicker than a one-legged ballerina pirouetting on a slippery when wet mattress.|
|Fair enough, it isn't great but is a damn sight better than the blitz of bullshit that we've been forced to endure.|
|Three, is a magic number but thanks to this, blue, is not a magic colour.|
|This brings a little light to a depressing eclipse.|
|It's an armoured infiltration unit, without the gleaming sophistication or sassy style. This asshole is notorious among assholes, even those who take pride in cleaning their respective orifice after bowel evacuation.|
|Our man explodes into a hulking monster but he couldn't hope to scare an incontinent snail who lost his shell to a gang of filthy slugs.|
|Wow, judging by the awards, who needs the Oscars? On another note, I can't help thinking of Directive 4.|
|Same artist, different position and no other effort deserves to polish his gyroscope, (including the garish Amiga version).|
|This port was synonymous as this and the arcade went practically hand in hand. Of the topic in question, Scooter and the geezer must be questioning why matters were made to be so unbearably shitty.|
|This succeeds by throwing caution to the typhoon by taking itself not too seriously. Who needs electricity when you have these flying skulls?|
|It's also quite nice that the above is largely based on the end situation.|
Is it Jason? No it's Rick and enough variation ensured a lawsuit wasn't encouraged from those responsible for Jasonmania. Anyway, let's have a mosey to see how the Terror Mask wearing hero laughs in the face of chaos.
|YEAH BABY!!! Take that you slithering slimeball and give my regards to Broad Street.|
|The dual chainsaws devastate and corrupt my soul and the representation of Rick makes matters even more laughable.|
|While nothing sparkling, a bit more fluidity equals more likeability.|
|The feeble item toss and general lack of imagination means that a torrent of abuse, followed by a good kicking was already arranged for its designer.|
|This looks decent in theory but I hate pseudo representation of in-game action on cover art which is why it reeks of a toilet cubicle that needs to be left for several minutes...|
|This is the same kind of thing, but this dessert smells slightly more fragrant. For those who don't know, the FM Towns Marty was a technically powerful but unsuccessful CD-based console that was released only in Japan.|
|What's wrong with this picture? Everything, that's what. I'm consigning this as been a truly magnificent failure.|
That's yer' lot for now but fear not, the adventure will continue.