Sunday, 29 September 2013

Turtles in Time and The Hyperstone Heist

Those green machines are back and after careful consultation with Splinter, I have decided to go for it with one tubuloso epic as splitting green seemed inappropriate.

It's going to be shelltastic.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, Konami 1991 (Arcade)

Kicking off, 'Pizza Power'.

Segment selection follows.











C'mon, you've already chosen Donatello, right?
Another fascinating report from Channel 6 News.  What we wouldn't give for some action?
Ah right on cue, thanks Krang, thanks a bunch.  Those wings are nothing shy of ridiculous.
Ha ha ha!  I've reduced all can openers to liquid so go screw you genetic accidents.
Move that body baby, do your thing.  Slap your booty and make me king.
"Hey Krang bring that statue back, you bloated beanbag."
What's wrong with this picture?

Oh I know, a typically terrible insult has been thrown at the wrong villain...
Another example of how you can somehow fuck things up.
So having carried out that diabolical plan, it's up to the green machine to tell Shredder and Krang to foot off.

Apart from inevitable four player mayhem, here are the main differences between sequel and 1989 original.

1. No speech bubble dialogue and the spoken word, just the latter.
2. Vastly improved humour and animation
3. Standard attacks got an overhaul and notably, you can throw the enemy into the camera.
4. The fab four are forced to abandon familiarity and enter far more exciting environs.

Mayhem in Alleycat Blues.
These box clever bots are only seen when you insert coin.
Examples of unwanted flying lessons.



"My toes, my toes, my fucking toes!"
Cowabunga and high fives is a perfect way to celebrate.
Incidentally, if you're playing on your lonesome, whichever turtle jumps for joy and announces Cowabunga, with a speech bubble.
Every silhouette flips.
This is just before all concerned are banished to a timewarp.
Check out the goof as he is now wearing a red cape.  Unbelievable!
You can't deny this doesn't look cool though.
In the first of several eras, it's Jurassic Park - on their turf.
Cement Man provides an alternative shower for the fab four.
Tokka and Rahzar in the pouring rain, very strange.
Sewer Surfin' offers no bonus or boss.
Ditto with Neon Night-Riders.
Why is his pointy stick just an 'outline'?
Okay, another mistake but it's honestly snot a problem...
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time, Konami 1992 (SNES)

In order to demonstrate important differences, I present an admirable conversion with unseen repetition and explanation.

Released in 1993, the third live action film saw our heroes transported back to feudal Japan. This was nothing to do with the second arcade or SNES port.  Originally, it had no subtitle but the recently repackaged boxset adds the sub of Turtles in Time.  Strange.

The original arcade will be used as appropriate.


Moonlight in 1989, when arcades ruled and fruit machines drooled.
Apart from a rejigged sequence, there is no song and just plays a tune in your shell like.






Screen tearing is okay (when it's on purpose).
Why is this now the 'fourth' game?
If you cast your mind back to the NES, discounting that infamous platforming shower of shit, there was Turtles II The Arcade Game and Turtles III The Manhattan Project so for once, there is a sensible answer.
If Don is otherwise engaged, get a grip Leo.


Shredder is now even more of a zoomed bitmap...

So instead of Krang, Konami correct matters with the same threat, only thrown at tin face.
The SNES is guilty of the following:

1. There isn't much audible chat but the stages are still introduced, albeit pretty muffled.
2. Animation has taken a large knock.
3. As expected, no 4P.
4. Everything is downsized.

However, there are some differences that should be considered enhancements.

What no flip, for flip's sake, why flipping not?
Despite my bitching, it still looks good.
Giving each boss a name and vitality was practically pointless.
Unlike its big brother, there is no alternative stage complete celebration.
It's cool sweetness, take a bath (original arcade). 
Deja vu, different hydrant.
From this point forward, it's upside down and back to front.

For a bonus stage, this is very dangerous as the foot and hazards prove.
Oh yeah, and blasted Pizza Monsters.
Sewer Surfin' brings Rat King as a boss.
Now observe a brand spanking level.

The Technodrome harks back to the original with added extras.
Sorry freaks, wasn't this your floor?  Oh well, that's tougher than fossilised shit.
Tokka and Rahzar are given a change of scenery as swashbuckling made them seasick.
This is the prong handed villain's most overused phrase.
The only way to destroy this hunk of junk is to let fly with his servants.
Upon defeat, he speaks from beyond the fuzzy picture and we're going back in time. 
Crooked sword carrier Slash replaces Cement Man.
Skull & Crossbones may look 'uncut' but this pizza is missing an important topping.
Thanks to some rather decent editing, the arcade boasted a scrolling sequence before settling down to begin.
"My nose, my nose, my fucking nose!"
GGGEEERRRROOOONNIIIMMMOOOOO!!!!
Bebop and Rocksteady in fancy dress.
Same boss, same shit.  Where's his chainsaw?  Oh silly me, that's Leatherface.
Soon after success, another scroll was omitted.  Choo on this...


Now I'm mondo confused.
Sewer Surfin' was a bonus 'stage' so why has Neon Night-Riders become a bonus 'chance'?
Anyway, there is a light that never goes out as Mode 7 is used.
Just like Leatherhead, the boss is unchanged.
Left on the cutting room floor was this.
"You green bastards are shit sauce"
Awww, what a shame - Konami noticed that we was in the year 1992.
Super Shredder can live, with or without his sword ah-ha.  Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Hyperstone Heist, Konami 1993 (Megadrive)

Essentially a hybrid of all three with no time travel, it did feature new levels and bosses, but technically suffered.

1. No throwing to the camera.
2. Each stage is no longer audibly announced.
3. Tinnier sound and inferior graphics.

On the plus side, pointless bonus stages are a memory.

Apart from what you'll see, other differences include that each boss signs off with dialogue and scenes have multiple backgrounds, giving the false impression of more stages.

They certainly look a bit more serious in Sega's mean machine.







Apart from the four split, it's exactly the same principle.

Before analysing the final game, let me show you how their cartoon counterparts originally looked.




Bodacious!

Now for the home straight.




The import sub was also an episode of yesteryear.
We see double...
...up ahead, but hold the Turtlecom...
Don't adjust your monitor because we're not taking a voyage to trip out central.
April, quit your gorking, what's going down with pseudo Mode 7?
Oh, that's what.  His helmet now has a jewel embedded.  Okay...
You almost expect Shredder to begin wagging his finger like Sonic but as per the above screen, that's a negative.
Now you'll see why this version is potentially more attractive than April.




A stage from the original arcade is skillfully brought home with a 'ghost' shortly stepping on the gas of this rectangular vehicle.
YOU ASSHOLE!  DON'T YOU HAVE EYES?  Your meat and two veg will be on the chopping board and I'm about to blunt the blade of my meat cleaver.


This guy pulled the same shit a few years earlier.
Back in the sewers without a hoverboard.
Altered dialogue, same boss and new setting.  An alligator in a sewer makes perfect sense, unlike finding him on a train.
Water Surfin' on the way to A Mysterious Ghost Ship.  Believe me, this place is less spookier than a recently cleansed soul.


We are reacquainted with The Rock without his Bop.
He looks so much better on SNES
Shredder's Hideout is the only setting that threatens to be historical.
Before challenging your good shells, he sets the Foot on your asses.
While running The Gauntlet, maybe the Pizza Monster can explain how the turtles are defying the laws of gravity?
No, what's the point, it'll just be more bullshit.
Back in 1987, the episode Enter: The Fly saw scientist Baxter fused with a fly that followed him through a portal to Dimension X from Earth.
Watch David Cronenberg's 1986 remake of The Fly to understand the inspiration... 
By the way, before facing Stockman, you have to go through the chore of recycling as Leatherhead, Rocksteady and Tatsu stand in your way.
Apart from a change in colour, he doesn't look much different from his original guise. 
Leo: "Yeah, 'let's go' and order pizza, get the beers in and stick a DVD on."
Mike: "Nice plan, who's shelling out?"
Leo: "Nobody.  What substance have you been snorting?"
Mike: "Don't tell me, it's Raph.

Leo: "Sssshhh, he'll hear you."
Mike: "I don't give a shit, do you think I'm scared of that asshole?"
Raph: "If you weren't before, you sure as shit will be now."
Don: "Will you guys chill.  Why didn't I have any Pack Up this morning?"
Leo: "Eliza Doolittle?  What the fuck Don?"
Raph: "Anyway, nobody's 'selling' out, it's shelling out." 
Don: "I must remember to Pack Up my troubles..."
Leo: "Oh for fuck's sake, someone punch him out.  Let's just proceed as we have to."
Raph: "You're the boss and Mikey boy, we'll finish this up... later."
Mike: "I'm shaking in my shell."
Raph: "What's that pal, you starting trouble?"
Etc, Etc.
Unlike the SNES, this is an actual stage and not just the end boss.



How they attempted to fry you in the past.
Back where he belongs...
Compared to other bosses, the original Krang was a cinch.
Descending with mousers before reaching...
...Super Tinhead in his new haunt.
Everybody has their favourite horse, so which is yours?

Whatever, it's time to haul shell.

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