Wednesday, 15 July 2015

Ted 2 - The scoop and digest

Unless you're a humourless prude, there isn't much not to like about the disgraceful antics of Thunder buddies John and furry companion.

MacFarlane returns as writer/director, with collaborators Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild predictably lending a helping hand.

Plot details and/or spoilers are high on marijuana.

Outrageous behaviour is commonplace for:

Mark Wahlberg - John
Seth MacFarlane - Ted
Amanda Seyfried - Samantha
Jessica Barth - Tami-Lynn
Morgan Freeman - Patrick Meighan
Giovanni Ribisi - Donny

Ted and Tami-Lynn tie the knot but John is still getting over his divorce from Lori.

A year later, the newlyweds fight like cat and dog but having a baby will apparently solve all their problems.

Without a dick, Ted must look elsewhere for a sperm donor.

Flash is practically dry, so Ted and John plan to stimulate Tom Brady while asleep but things don't work out.

John is reluctantly brought in as sloppy thirds, but Tami-Lynn's long history of drug abuse renders ovarium infertile.

Adoption brings unwanted publicity and now considered 'property', Ted's life goes down the toilet.

John suggests to fight this thing at court but without capital, their case is taken on by inexperienced pot fiend Samantha.

They immediately click faster than an empty gun chamber.

Donny kisses Hasbro ass and hatches a diabolical plan of convincing CEO to hire the best attorney Barbie can buy so Ted will lose and make Mattel a mint.

His actual agenda is to keep Ted all for himself.

After justice takes a giant dump on Ted 'Clubber Lang', the gang travel to New York and meet with big shot civil rights geezer Patrick Meighan.

While sympathetic, he refuses to help because Ted has made little contribution to human society.

A pissed off Ted checks out Comic Con where demented Donny disguised as Raphael takes his opportunity to capture.

John and Samantha respond to Ted's phone call and weirdo is prevented from sticking the knife in.

The trio escape cosplay mayhem but just as they're about to leave, Donny snips cables holding up the Starship Enterprise and protecting Ted, John slips into a coma.

Unable to resist Tiffany's I Think We're Alone Now, Donny is subsequently arrested.

Could John really be dead?

Nah, he's just fucking with us...

Impressed at John's sacrificial gesture, Meighan successfully overturns the court's original decision.

Ted and Tami-Lynn are remarried and they name adopted baby boy Apollo Creed.

We presume all concerned live happily ever after.

Sit through credits and see a battered Liam Neeson (spoofing Taken persona), returning children's cereal he bought earlier.

Funnier than the original?

Oh yeah.

Forget mundane and lifeless piece of shit A Million Ways to Die in the West, this delivers everything and more.

As smart and effective cutaway gags now feature, it sporadically feels like a feature length Family Guy episode.

In desperation, a cash strapped Ted charges 3 dollars for a blow job.


Mila Kunis isn't missed and Amanda Seyfried kicks ass.

Reenacting scenes from silver screen classics puts the icing on a hilarious cake.

1. Library boogie woogie is in homage to The Breakfast Club.
2. Ted does the Mess Around from Planes, Trains and Automobiles.
3. Best of all is Jurassic Park, when weed field replaces the awe of Brachiosaur entrance.

The beginning of Family Guy episode Tales of a Third Grade Nothing had Peter visit Executive Bathroom Island, another reference to Spielberg's blockbuster.

One thing I'm not sure about is title sequence, as choreography could be reffing Quahog's equivalent or Temple of Doom?

MacFarlane's sequel is crude, non-PC and freakin' sweet.

Anybody who says otherwise has PENUS slapped on their forehead.

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