Sunday, 5 July 2015

Mysterious malfunctions in miscellany - Slide 1

Although completely legible, apologies in advance because some photos from my own personal stash are a tad fuzzy.

When Rambomania was in full swing, video games ignored First Blood and jumped through the hoops of pompous piece of shit sequel Rambo: First Blood Part 2.

Despite this and apart from a select few, games were confusingly just called 'Rambo'.

Kicking things off, weird action/strategy on MSX looked suspiciously like Hydlide.


Even for 1985, shabbier than a neglected market stall.

Despite the curious use of pink, its title screen captures the meat of movie poster.


Strangely, the above resembles stage complete screen from 2008 Sega arcade.


Super Rambo Special came a year later and was essentially the same game.

Unless you choose 'I'm not afraid of death', side-scrolling NES turd doesn't begin.


Talk about wasting our time.

Obviously we know what they're getting at, but does the option of YES actually exist?

No.

Here's the best bit at mission's end.

Trautman: "What are you going to do?"
Rambo: "Day by day."


WHAT KIND OF FUCKING ANSWER IS THAT?

It should've been:

Trautman: "How will you live?"
Rambo: "Day by day."

The whole point of Son of Rambow is First Blood, so WHY does package design claim Rambo: First Blood?
Oh dear!

Even worse is what I snapped on TV some time ago.


BULLSHIT!

Rambo III on Mega Drive differed from the 1989 Taito arcade (which recycled enemy screams from Operation Wolf), by incorporating overhead action and consequently - reminiscent of Data East's Bloody Wolf.
Anyway, since when did jungles exist in Afghanistan?
In order to 'fully' appreciate the PC Engine (not Turbografx 16) version of R-Type, two separate purchases was required.

Trouble is, cover art contradicted title screen.

R-Type I and R-Type


R-Type II and R-Type Part-2


Here's the Amiga box art for Turrican II: The Final Fight.


Comprising of three little men (blue, red and yellow respectively), the logo of Rainbow Arts is certainly memorable.


You'd assume this would be the same in title screen, but...

The assholes at Factor 5 decided this wasn't 'The Final Fight' and yellow geezer becomes greyer than a storm cloud.
The C64 original had no such issues.
Renamed Time Soldier for home computer consumption, Alpha Denshi's (later ADK) arcade translated fairly well.

Please note Electrocoin.


Guess what?

In the C64 game, they became 'Electrcoin'.
Was Stephen King the star of Cujo?

No.  He was the fucking author.

So why is inference displayed on cover art?
'Stephen King's Cujo' would have been perfectly acceptable.

I need wings.

Hey Peter you bastard - leave some for me.

Liquid is green, but Red Bull is amber.
Energy drink is nice by itself, but best consumed with either Vodka or J├Ągermeister.

More strange goings-on, this time in the title sequence of 1982 slasher Pieces.


as Lt. Bracken
All good, but then Paul Smith as Willard (and those that follow), turn red.


It makes no sense.

Mannequins come to life in obscure 1979 horror Terror Trap.
The insane villain of the piece is Slausen, or is it?
Yep, 'Slauson' confirms another blunder.
Before credits climax, every film contains disclaimer bullshit.

Have a read of The Raid.


The 'person' etc etc?

Hmmm.

48 hours and I'm a 'gonner' in Spellbound.


Another fabulous fuck up from the 8 bit era.

Forwarding to the present, Drake's new album must be grammar phobic.

You're and It's too late to rectify the error.

Alien: The Archive has a hard on for photos, quotes, trivia and artwork to all four movies.

Guess who owns a copy and noticed an error?

Dillon (correct)
Spin on a few pages and...

...Dillon now becomes 'Dylan'.
What the FUCK?

Feudal Japan's warm sunset looks pretty cool.


What a shame Haohmuru slices and dices in broad daylight.


Unlike Fatal Fury, Samurai Shodown doesn't have day to night transitions between rounds.

Ironically, his stage in far superior sequel would largely make Shinkiro's box art accurate.


Without sounding patronising, 'it's' and 'its' requires clear explanation.

it's - contraction of it and is but depending on sentence, can also be short for it and has (non possessive).

its (possessive).

For example:

The bird flapped its wings.

Now that's sorted out, observe some unlikely cock ups.

Evil has just met 'it's' match when messing with Double Dragon.


A mother's love has 'it's' limits in The Afflicted.


Once 'its' unleashed, Evilution can never be stopped.


Frankensteins Army is surprisingly decent


Hang on a mo, title is missing something.

Apostrophe is inserted in actual film, but for reasons unknown...

...the damn thing is facing the wrong way.
The final nail in the punctuation mark coffin is on the back of occasionally funny Lindsay Lohan romcom Labor Pains.


Its unbelievable.

Oh shit, they've got me doing it now.

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