Thursday, 9 July 2015

Terminator Genisys - The scoop and digest

Probably most famous for Marvel sequel Thor: The Dark World, Director Alan Taylor uses the concept of retcon (retroactive continuity) to flush past, present and future down ivory throne.

Plot details and/or spoilers will become self-aware

The future is not set for:

Arnold Schwarzenegger - Guardian
Emilia Clarke - Sarah Connor
Jai Courtney - Kyle Reese
Jason Clarke - John Connor/T-3000
Lee Byung-hun - T-1000

In 2029, John Connor launches a last ditch assault against the machines and Skynet.

Best efforts prove fruitless as a Model 101 is sent back to 1984 to kill Sarah.

During time travel, Reese has one vision while John is attacked.

Before CG T-800 is given chance to terminate trio of punks, a familiar voice from the background announces "I've been waiting for you."

'Anonymous' sent him to protect Sarah when she was nine.

They have a scuffle but baddie is sniped by Ms Connor.

Reese is pursued by a T-1000 but meets with Guardian and Sarah.

Sarah gives reprogrammed Arnie the adopted name of Pops (probably some kind of joke to youthful legend), and is what I'm going with.

Remember, he's old - not obsolete.

Anyway, shapeshifter tracks them down at a disused factory and reactivates T-800 using liquid metal.

CG is eventually decapitated by Reese and Pops forces T-1000 to take a shower under acid sprinklers.

Sarah and Pops have cobbled together a time machine and hauling ass to 1997 to prevent Skynet from awaking sounds like a kick ass idea.  Resse poops on the party as earlier memory persuades the headstrong to go with new strategy of destroying Genisys (a front for Skynet) in 2017.

A blinding flash of light later sees Reese and Sarah materialise in San Francisco but are soon arrested on bustling highway.

Danny Dyson is president of Cyberdyne and Genisys will link all tech you own.

As they're treated for injuries, Reese as a child helps with an ID parade.

John arrives to rescue the imprisoned but is he an impostor?

Bang! Bang! Bang!

That geezer who attacked John was Genisys wearing T-5000 trousers and transformed scarface into a T-3000 nanobot hybrid.

Arnie explains that after Skynet infected John, its latest weapon was sent back to 2007 so a new Judgment Day could be launched.

Er, okay.

Unless somebody's got a magnet the size of San Francisco - I suspect they're in deep shit.

The Golden Gate Bridge and airborne chase hosts the meat of action and Pops dive-bombing chopper only proves to be a minor inconvenience for T-3000.

C4 is planted at Cyberdyne HQ and ineffective firepower holds off villain before heads are inevitably butted with protector.

During which, numerous holographic representations of Genisys frequently reminds that boom time will prevent nothing.

Although overpowered, Pops manages to trap nanobot inside time machine's magnetic field but goodie is thrown into a vat of mimetic poly-alloy.

Hold back those tears as there's no thumbs up.

With explosion imminent, they take refuge underground and Pops boasts new mimetic abilities.

Reese visits his young self urging him to remember that 'Genisys is Skynet'.

Wait a few moments and mid-credits scene shows primary system core survived.

Did I or its adoring fanbase expect anything other than mediocre?

No we didn't.

While by no means a complete disaster, here's why this can largely suck my cybernetic organism.

Even though old vs young Arnie bombed, the first 30 minutes or so is entertaining but having said that, nostalgic love affair lacks serious gusto.

As reprogrammed Arnie had known for 11 years this day would come, why didn't he bring something better than pump action Remington?

Never mind love, all you need is sniper rifle...

Anybody thinking this was the first to prelude events leading up to original will be sorely disappointed to learn PS2/Xbox FPS Dawn of Fate got there first.

Just don't mention that horrible camera.

Set pieces are mere rehashes from T2 and stunts stampede down the digital route of uninspired boredom.

What happens on Golden Gate Bridge is different, but straight from Rupert Wyatt's Rise of the Planet of the Apes.

Others to feature action on the said structure are Godzilla (2014), X-Men: The Last Stand and Hulk, (not to be confused with mediocre 2008 reboot The Incredible Hulk).

Reese is effectively surplus to requirements but despite wishy washy script, it's great to see that even at the tender age of 67, Arnie hasn't lost his mojo.

T-3000 is so much like the T-X, he may as well have worn red leather and killer heels.

Its true metallic guise looks disturbingly like Cyborg from incredibly bad video game Rise of the Robots.

Am I fucking nuts without bolts for saying that?

Of course, end boss Supervisor completely ripped off T-1000.

Perhaps worst of all, much is left unanswered so inadvertently confuses.

T-1000 killed Sarah's parents in 1973 and Guardian was sent by an unknown party to protect.

During flashback, she was found hiding under a walkway so how did little girl initially evade liquid metal assassin?

PASS!

In this 1984, T-1000 uses poly-alloy to resurrect T-800 but Arnie taking a bath in the same shit 33 years later upgrades.

Did substance 'evolve'?

BULLSHIT!

This ignores Rise of the Machines, Salvation (and logic), but chronologically speaking; James Cameron apparently deems this officially the third film.

TV show The Sarah Connor Chronicles immediately followed T2, but in a separate timeline to T3.

Cameron must be going senile because now defunct 3D theme park attraction Battle Across Time reunited principal cast and already served as mini or quasi-sequel to T2.

Amusingly, T3 disregards that as though never made.

If you wanna go even further, S.M. Stirling's trilogy of novels are set a few years after T2.

Fascinating, right?

What did encourage a giggle is Sarah using 'first aid spray', with Arnie's endo arm also given a squirt.

Resident Evil?

Ha ha!

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