Tuesday, 20 October 2015

Crimson Peak - The scoop and digest

"Beware of Crimson Peak."

Will Edith heed mother's ghostly warning?

Mia Wasikowska - Edith Cushing
Tom Hiddleston - Sir Thomas Sharpe
Jessica Chastain - Lady Lucille
Charlie Hunnam - Dr. McMichael
Jim Beaver - Carter Cushing

Fourteen years later, aspiring writer Edith meets the dashing Sir Thomas, who seeks potential investors for his clay mining contraption.

Edith's father Carter is particularly unimpressed.

A detective is hired to snoop and Carter learns of Thomas's bigamy.

Thomas and sister Lucille accept a large pay off, on condition they leave as soon as practicable and brother breaks Edith's heart.

Carter pays with his life when disapproving head loses argument with sink.

Edith and Thomas are soon hitched and move from Buffalo to Cumberland in Blighty.

Containing persistent spirit and colder than your average fridge, Allerdale Hall is a mansion not without its problems.

One snowed in night, a tumble in the hay eases growing tension between newlyweds.

From what I remember, 'Crimson Peak' is described as the effect of clay reacting with snow.

Lucille serves a wicked cuppa but unbeknownst to Edith, tea is actually poisoned, hence why coughing up blood becomes routine.

She begins to suspect there's more to dilapidated mansion than creaky floorboards and falling leaves, so takes express elevator to explore.

Clay-covered spectral pursuer turns out to be husband's mother Elona, who upon discovering brother and sister's incestuous relationship, was subsequently murdered.

YUCK!

Remember Brookside causing controversial tsunamis with 'that' story-line all those years ago?

With toxin gradually overwhelming, Edith is surely next on inheritance menu, but Doctor McMichael unexpectedly arriving threatens to scupper heinous crime.

But scratch that, because the useless bastard is stabbed by Lucille.

Oh, flashback reveals sister killed Carter.

Realising love for Edith, Thomas purposely targets non-lethal area.

Siblings turn on each other and Lucille dispatches former lover in a jealous tantrum.

After psycho bitch chases frightened mouse, Thomas' ghost provides the perfect distraction for Edith to cave Lucille's head in with snow shovel.

Fleeing the scene with McMichael, Lucille is seen plink plonking away on piano.

Sometimes, director's reputation goes before film.

Trailer hints at supernatural terror, but instead we get Gothic romance.

For a better example, I hesitantly recommend Coppola's 1992 adaptation of Dracula.

Poorly orchestrated jump scares and bizarre dollops of bloody violence are rendered almost irrelevant.

Elona looks ugly enough, but because chief geezer was executive producer in Andres Muschietti's Mama, comparisons with 'Edith' are inevitable.

Despite striking colours and atmospheric setting (primarily inspired by 60s classics The Innocents and The Haunting), we're left to ponder what might have been.

Average didn't previously exist in del Toro's filmography.

It does now.

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