Saturday 16 December 2023

The Hilarious Localisation of Samurai Shodown

According to rumour, the original Spirits dialogue had a more serious tone.

But the rest of the world got Shakespeare (on crack).

Samurai Shodown

Fun fact.

This was the first fighting game to utilise pets during battle.

Namely, Galford's wolf Poppy and Nakoruru's eagle Mamahaha.

Hanzo
It's your pick! Heaven. Hell.
But Bermuda is impossible!!
Gen-An
No one calls me freak and lives!
No one but my wife, that is.
Nakoruru
Never. Corpse breath!
Ukyo
Hey! That's my face.
You're meat, beanhead.
Earthquake
I'll clean my teeth with you.
Charlotte

A woman of my breeding cannot lose.
Don't ever talk about my breastplate again!
Why not French floozy? It makes my heart go pit-a-pat.

Galford

Buzz off, beanbrain or taste my steel.
My eyes are blue, but I know samurai's spirits!
Shut up blonde buffoon and eat my plasma blades.

Kyoshiro

You fool! You... you critic!
To the pits of hell, slime!
Chasing away my audience!!
Idiot!! Face your punishment.
To the fires of hell with you, ham!
My hate will dine with you in heaven, gammon.

Wan-Fu

I thought I was dead. But I think I'm Cleopatra, too.
Think of the glory. Cut me down and live forever in legend.
Goodbye, brothers. Forget me not in that eternal sleep.
Begone, sisters. Remember thee in history, forever tortured.

Tam Tam

My boiling blood bubbles for battle.
My spirit burns like the sun and I shall dry you like a prune.
Feel the samba rhythm.
Chika cha, chika cha. Babaloooh.
I salute your noble death.
Wook ah wook ah woo woo.
My aura buzzes like a fridge and spits like a camel with shingles.

Wakka makka yay yay.

Amakusa

Heh, heh. Justice is nothing to the power of the dark guy. Grovel, slug.
Heh, heh. That's right, my critic's punching bag.
Join the dark guy, now!
That's right, blubber boy.
Join the dark guy and the world is your fingerbowl.
Heh, heh. My lord thirsts for your strength in his lowly little love nest.
The universe is my oyster and romance drinks lust inside funhouse.

Endings

Haohmaru
Whew, what a fight. I'm speachless, not!
Kyoshiro
This is how a real kabuki dances! Woogie woogie wee!
Wan-Fu
I'm more than you expect, pal!
And it's not just the weight.
Ukyo
Life is a stewed peach in a lot of syrup... Ukyo.
Despair is a stuck pig bathing in treacle... Host.

Samurai Shodown II

One of the greatest sequels ever made begins with a quote more iconic than "All your base are belong to us".

Long long ago, there were a man who try to make his skill ultimate. Because of his bloody life, it's no accident that he was involved in the troubles.
And this isn't unique to anybody.

All creature will die and all the things will be broken.
That's the law of samurai.
WHAT THE FUCK DOES ANY OF THAT EVEN MEAN?

HA HA HA!

Gen-An
Dead, dead, you are dead!
Serve you right! He he he!
Jubei
I'll mannerd fellow, here I go!
Nicotine
What a nice person! You kindly give the palm to such a crock.
Cham Cham
Shit! You really make me mad!
Pretty wacky stuff, huh?

Sieger

We are knights each other.
Let's fight fair and square!
Don't be hateful each other.
Love is the best strength.
Hanzo

I can look your destiny of death on your face.
To heaven or to hell, anything is decided by destiny.
Genjuro

I said you before, didn't I? Pass away!
I'll be never beaten by anybody who lives in confort, like you.
Haohmaru

How weak you are!
I might kill you as well as "tofu" with my sword!
I slay my imitation with my sword together with Mt. Fuji!
Samurai Shodown III: Blades of Blood

Interquel gave characters two personas (Slash or Bust) and graphical overhaul resulted in a much darker aesthetic.

Endings

As text scrolls, screenshots are pointless.

Hanzo

And so, Hanzo defeated the evil demon destroyer of villages, scourge of peasants. "The endless death, the orphans' cries echo...No matter how familiar I become with evil, you I do not forgive. To hell!" Hanzo disappears in the rain, leaving Zankuro's corpse.

Rimururu

"Forgive me for leaving without a word. For I have found my one way of life, sister. The sun and moon show me. How many moons has it been since my exit? Yes, I was lonely, but no place knows not the wind! With you by my side, I have no worries. Don't worry for me! I'm okay; you're okay!"

And most bizarre of all.

Ukyo

Ukyo. 18-years-old.

"The world is nothing...
A barren dream it seems."

20-years-old.

"Knowing you, life's murky waters have cleared."

25-years-old.

"I remember the beautiful face of an evil goddness."

"I cannot go with you... I sall die alone boo hoo."

Samurai Shodown IV: Amakusa's Revenge

Aside from bringing back legacy characters, new additions included suicide moves and Mortal Kombat-esque fatalities.

Amakusa
Burn oh pearl of strength and evil. Burn! Burn! Burn!
Basara
The chimes of nightmares peel through the air.
The battle begins!
Galford
So sue me. I hate evil!
Rimururu
You're one big, nasty demon, you!
Sogetsu
Well, I really don't feel like losing to a dweeb like your pathetic self!
Charlotte

Let's hurry. Vite, vite!
Feel my lion fangs!
Thanks for the offer babe, but I'll pass.

Genjuro

If you like life, be like a library and book!
Nice job, noodlehead.
Beyond the grave, there is reading and words.

Great work, chicken chops. 

Haohmaru

This place stinks of evil... and gym socks!
Let's blade boogie!
The battlefield reeks of enemies... and soiled knickers.

Hanzo

Fear drove you down!
O, the desolation!
A heartless world indeed!
Worry bowled me over, but I got up again, you're never gonna keep me down.

Kyoshiro

Now, back to the smell of the crowd and the roar of greasepaint!
Your sour look speaks of a silly spat ahead!
My bitter stare hums of lemons and uneasy fallacy.

Gaira

The broken milestone.
This castle. Coincidence?
You look really weak.
Come, I'll butch you up!
Ending

Quiet! You silly monk!
Go now?
 You fool!
It's excommunication for you!
You loud-mouthed geezer!
I am tough. Put that in your macho pipe, warm-mannered mister.

Victoly!!

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