Sunday, 16 December 2012

Bad cover art - Take 3

Well I see two messages of indecency.
1. The bow wow pawing isn't intending to maul, but hopes to hump; and 2. it's a classic case of 'talk to the hand' because the audience ain't laughing.
Yes dear, enjoy that fine tasting tipple as alcohol will temporarily block out the shame and ignominy of posing in this shit.  
Another example of a shocking shitathon.  Just look at the state of this hobo, should we feel for you?  Well no, I really don't.  Hang on a minute, this is a 'female' impersonator?  I take it back, have another drink pal.
Solar Software, 100% Machine Code and Robin to the Rescue.  Could the artist have drawn the famous Outlaw any camper?  Look at this fucking asshole pulling at his beard and dig those wonderful tights.  The use of colour simply has to be condemned and according to legend, Maid Marian is officially a fag hag.
A clearly open leather jacket and an even more obvious cleavage flash  - what a slag, right?  I also love 'EXCITING SEQUEL TO SABOTEUR'.  Of course a game called Saboteur II isn't the sequel to an original game called, hmmmm, surely not Saboteur?  Well shit the bed, I'm right.  It's a shame those pricks charged with naming some movie and/or video game sequels didn't adopt the same strategy...  
Take it easy my underwater friend.  Relax, rest your loins and imagine what was going through the artist's mind when designing this appalling apparition.  Look at this shit, I don't know who's sicker - the designer or the octopus. 
Arrrrggggghhhhhhh.  Can't you just feel the fear factor exuded from this fierce and terrifying looking dragon?  Yeah, thought not.  My despair is matched only by my laugh.
Granted, the art is better than most Master System shit streaks but why is our 'boy' now a pervert and seemingly turned on by this latest battle?  Look into his eyes, not around the eyes but into the eyes and... you're under.  
There are a few major fucking malfunctions with this one.  The Prince of Darkness a pin up for the gay community?  You can't call him Dracula because he apparently isn't and just a regular blood sucker.  The hair, face and body suit just makes this even worse.  Why is our man in the blue 'armour' intent on attacking with a golden dagger?  I guess all the stakes were broken.  
It looks as though that the karate guy in white is attacking the orange label rather than the ninja in black.  The latter looks absolutely terrified doesn't he?  The lingering air of embarrassment lingers...
The artist had an aim and that aim was a huge pair of tits.  The elderly professor and/or mad scientist  is clearly seething at not been able to try for a crafty squeeze.  This game is called Bazooka Sue so why the fuck is this Dolly Parton wannabe relaxing on a CHAINSAW?  
Hmmm, what a dilemma Mr Poirot must ponder.  Perhaps he should consult Captain Birdseye in the background.  His expression just ridicules the dead.
What is going on here?  It looks slightly like that pain in the ass red swooping demon from the Ghosts 'n Goblins franchise is waiting beyond the blue time gate.  Look at the protagonist armed with his toy pop gun and what's with the mask?  I have no clue. 
What a truly embarrassing scrawl shat out straight from Satan's ring piece.  Honestly, is there really any fucking need for such iconic bullshit?
Ha ha ha!  A new level has been reached in the bollocks factor.  The imagination is so great, they couldn't even be bothered to use a different colour for the witches broomstick.  This is beyond Madness.
Go on lads, go at it and beat the shit out of each other in the hope you can blank out the futile nature of such quality design.  What happened to the leg of the marsupial on the left?  Poor bastard.
No I won't be silenced by some asshole who calls himself Satan.
That horny demon cyclops looks particularly excited and/or suitably amused by something.  Yeah, it must be that dude healing that gemstone.  Is that really what he's doing, possibly?
Felix seems to running away from a rodent suffering from jaundice.  What a coward and did the asshole who conceived such corny bullshit really think that we're that stupid that he needed to have the enemy wear a tee displaying with the word 'rat' as to most, it's obviously a fucking dinosaur.
These pricks have absolutely no shame as they even have the balls to even highlight Predator in red.
An alternative and unused version of the Red Dwarf episode Statis Leak.
The name to this game deserves a chuckle as it's so terrible, it's funny.  This was no accident and done on purpose to raise further laughs out of 'spanking the monkey'.
Twice the mega power and the two-mega cartridge? Stallone's mind is on other things...
These couple of dudes look like the cat that got the cream.  I just hope it was rancid.  Don't you just want to slap their silly smug faces (into a bloody pulp)?  Yeah, course you do.
Classic art for a classic game?  Of course not and their faces are even more plastic than Mickey Rourke.
Owwww, my arm aches from carrying the weight of such a heavy ball bearing.
He's stiffer than the average adult actor and he ain't  faster than an imminent speeding bullet.
Yeah, I've got rippling biceps and part of a robotic torso.  Er, now I'm sure there's a downside to this situation.
See you next time.

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