Monday, 8 September 2014

Hey! Hollywood! Leave these films alone!

The current culture of butchering classics has escalated in recent years and permission to destroy should automatically be denied, especially with the debacles of Robocop and Carrie.

Very briefly throwing up remakes (again), I neglected to mention the 'comedy' King Kong (1976) and for the record - I hated Peter Jackson's protracted take on Skull Island.

As it didn't yet exist, I couldn't talk about 13 Sins.  Guess what - it was a piece of shit.

Okay, 13: Game of Death wasn't the best but still far superior.

Spike Lee's Old Boy won't be watched any time soon...

The Karate Kid and A Nightmare on Elm Street?  TOTAL BOLLOCKS!

Are they seriously going to remake The Raid?  Are you kidding me?

Like millions of others, I am very nervous about Ghostbusters 3 and unfortunately, Poltergeist is not a sick, supernatural prank.

Will I ever stop moaning?  No.  Ha ha ha.

There is obviously no point bitching about what's already happened (including sequels), so this is a direct plea to directors - do not FUCK with what I mention.

Pretty please, with cinema reel on top.

While I don't expect everybody to agree, most should respect a connoisseur's taste.

70s:

The Deer Hunter, Escape from Alcatraz, A Clockwork Orange, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Apocalypse Now, Enter the Dragon, Jaws, Watership Down, Deliverance, The Godfather, The Exorcist, Scum, Taxi Driver, Dirty Harry, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Marathon Man, The French Connection, Don't Look Now, The Changeling, Suspiria, The Medusa Touch, Eraserhead and The Warriors.

80s:

Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Re-Animator, Crocodile Dundee, Society, The King of Comedy, Black Rain, Blade Runner, The Shining, Gremlins, Class of 1984, Back to the Future, The Untouchables, Near Dark, The Goonies, Die Hard, ET, Stand by Me, The Company of Wolves, Hellraiser, Beetlejuice, Time Bandits, Full Metal Jacket, Platoon, The Burning, Excalibur, Southern Comfort, The Breakfast Club, Lethal Weapon, Akira, Dirty Dancing, Police Story, The Lost Boys, Highlander, Airplane!, The Long Good Friday, Dead Calm, Bill & Ted, An American Werewolf in London, Bloodsport, Indiana Jones, Planes, Trains & Automobiles, Inferno, Labyrinth, Street Trash, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Rita, Sue and Bob Too!, From Beyond, Chopping Mall, The Killer, They Live, Porky's and The Last Starfighter.

Terminator is an obvious omission because the fifth dubbed Genisys will reboot the franchise.

As for Arnie's involvement, I forsee three possibilities:

Killer cyborg? No.
Ally?  Maybe.
Cameo? Probably.

Let's face it, I'm probably more right than I know.

90s:

Seven, The Usual Suspects, Goodfellas, Shallow Grave, Trainspotting, Scream (1996)*, Leon, Event Horizon, Hard Boiled, Falling Down, Trespass (1992)**, Edward Scissorhands, The Crow, Pretty Woman, Candyman, Pulp Fiction, Naked, Nightbreed, Misery, Blade, Jacob's Ladder, From Dusk Till Dawn, Fight Club, Internal Affairs (1990)***, The Crying Game, The Shawshank Redemption, Cliffhanger, The Rock, Wayne's World, Dogma, Tremors and Split Second.

*Not to be confused with the 1981 slasher film.

**Not be confused with 2011 drama starring Nicolas Cage and Nicole Kidman.

***Not to be confused with the unrelated 2002 Hong Kong crime thriller franchise as Scorsese already wore his remaking boots in 2006 with The Departed.

Miscellany:

Cool Hand Luke, La horde (The Horde), Casablanca, The Hustler, The Chaser, The Great Escape, The Horseman, Battle Royale, Easy Rider, Martyrs, The Descent, American Beauty, Grease, Requiem for a Dream, Memento, I Saw the Devil, 2001: A Space Odyssey, 28 Days Later, Orphan, Haute Tension (Switchblade Romance), Tokyo Gore Police and The Babadook.

Spiderman and Godzilla weren't worthy of a reboot but look what happened...

How many will be conceived in the coming years?  Hopefully less than zero.

So that's a great selection to chew over and touching durable wood, let's hope infinite wisdom isn't ignored.

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