Wednesday, 5 August 2015

Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation - The scoop and digest

Light the fuse and improvise famous theme...

Since Brian De Palma took Bruce Geller's hit television show to the big screen in 1996, nobody has returned to bark orders from hallowed chair.

Maybe common knowledge, but whatever.

Christopher McQuarrie is handed directorial baton number five for what could be the most exciting assignment yet.

Plot details and/or spoilers are encrypted.

Global implausibility extends to:

Tom Cruise - Ethan Hunt
Rebecca Ferguson - Faust
Jeremy Renner - William Brandt
Simon Pegg - Benji Dunn
Sean Harris - Solomon Lane
Alec Baldwin - Hunley
Ving Rhames - Luther
Simon McBurney - Attlee

In Minsk, Belarus, Ethan and his team successfully intercept VX nerve gas.

We didn't have to wait long for poster scene to happen...

While receiving orders in London, Ethan is captured and gassed by members of 'The Syndicate'.

Thanks to the help of disavowed MI6 agent Faust, Ethan escapes the tortuous techniques of baddie Vinter, more affectionately known as The Bone Doctor.

IMF is currently under investigation for its questionable techniques and subsequently dissolved into the CIA, much to the satisfaction and dissatisfaction of CIA director Hunley and agent Brandt respectively.

What now, right?

Pursue your own personal agenda.  In this case - a bespectacled blonde dude.

Ethan meets up with Benji in Vienna and opera Turandot overpowers the car-bombing of Austrian Chancellor.

Months later in Casablanca, Morocco, the gang discuss how to steal 'ledger', containing Syndicate's dastardly infrastructure and secrets stored beneath a giant underwater server.

To briefly explain, crime organisation is best described as an anti-IMF.

Despite the inconvenience of Ethan 'drowning', things eventually go according to plan.

Ethan is revived using defibrillator but instead of sticking around for nooky, Faust legs it - taking USB drive with her.

What a bitch.

Benji, please tell me your ass made a copy?

Good boy.

Faust returns to London and chats with employer Attlee, but refuses to comply with request of completing mission.

When blonde bombshell Lane learns drive is empty (recently erased by Attlee), he isn't the happiest of bunnies.

As file is stored in a 'red box', it's beyond any hacker and only Prime Minister's particulars can gain access.

Benji is kidnapped and the price of freedom is the delivery of file decryption.

Luther and Brandt inevitably protest (pointless argument cliché), but Ethan reluctantly agrees to Lane's ransom demand.

Disguised as Attlee, Ethan forces PM to spill Syndicate beans and after being subdued by tranquilliser dart, the necessary extraction takes place.

Data contains billions in numerous currencies (surprise surprise) and Ethan destroys it, informing Lane that providing Benji and Faust are released, grey matter will make him stinking rich.

Vinter is killed during knife fight with Faust and before Lane's itchy trigger finger can seal Ethan's fate, a bulletproof cell conveniently cages rat.

Life's a gas and soon you'll be tried for a crime probably tantamount to treason.

Watch your ass pretty boy.

Hunley and Brandt go before the board who agree to reinstate the IMF, with the former becoming 'Secretary'.

If formula ain't broke, don't fix it.

Lots of gabbing, good story, walkthrough of how to overcome seemingly 'impossible' task and hugely impressive stunts (performed not only by Cruise, but also Pegg behind the wheel), are routinely staple diet.

Hanging on the outside of aircraft thousands of feet above ground without the aid of stunt double or CGI?

What a fucking lunatic.

Second only to previous film in terms of entertainment, this is a rip-rollicking ride and set-pieces can often be spectacular.

Either in scene or dialogue, all four are directly or indirectly referenced, including motorbike chase (M: I II) and Kremlin's destruction (Ghost Protocol).

For shits and giggles, Cruise also rode motorcycle in Knight and Day.

Gadgets include oxygen arm bands, car windows activated by palm recognition and retinal scanners.

The main problem I have is unlike Philip Seymour Hoffman's ruthless arms dealer Davian, villains are lifeless and lame.

Also, Pegg is very briefly seen playing Halo 5.  Microsoft are obviously skint.

Good [insert time of day here], Tom Cruise.  Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to return for another stunt-laden extravaganza.

(Confirmation sent by email).

Never mind about message self-destructing in five seconds, he should be more concerned about getting too old for this shit.

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