Friday, 11 March 2016

The Forest - The scoop and digest

Let's go through what Suicide Forest at Mount Fuji's base has already inspired.

First premiering in 2010, Forest of the Living Dead has cover girl come back as a supernatural entity, hell bent on wreaking revenge on those who helped ex-boyfriend dump her like a sack of potatoes.

2015 drama The Sea of Trees stars Matthew McConaughey and British hottie Naomi Watts.

There's also 2013 TV horror film Grave Halloween (re-released in 2016 as Dead Forest).

Oh, Shawn4Ever was a 2012 horror short.

Wanna know something else?


Incredibly rubbish 2004 monster feature Creature Unknown was repackaged as The Forest in 2007.

Let's see how main event fares and unfolds.

Natalie Dormer - Sara/Jess
Taylor Kinney - Aiden
Yukiyoshi Ozawa - Michi

Sara gets a call from police informing that missing twin sister Jess has been spotted entering Aokigahara.

She meets journalist Aiden who agrees to help and also throws in tour guide Michi for good measure.

Not too long into ill-advised search, something compels Sara to leave the path and geezers reluctantly follow.

They find Jess's tent, but we can't go home yet because she's gone for a walk.

Please heed Michi's warning.

No matter how bad, ignore whatever you see.  It's not real.

So darkness falls and we're bracing ourselves for some intense horror and grotesque imagery.

Bear with me.

Err, still waiting.

Moving on...

Day breaks and Sara notices Jess's picture on Aiden's phone.

Is setting playing dirty tricks with mind?

Blah blah blah later, Sara clumsily falls into a pit where teenage Japanese girl seen during the night turns all Yurei (ghosts said to be angry at their own deaths).

No prizes for guessing who dangles rope and pulls paranoid ass up to safety.

They stumble across a cabin and Aiden fails in fixing broken radio.

After 'Jess' passes note urging sister to kill, a struggle ensues and Aiden gets the point.

Aww shucks, guess article won't be published.

Never mind pal, it was shit anyway.

Basement door creeks open and in the company of young Jess, dead dad attacks Sara, who manages to escape without too much trouble.

Around this time, the real Jess is seen alive and well.

Sara realises hacking at hallucination only succeeded in slitting wrists.

Beneath where she stands, numerous Yurei drag her to hell and search party escorts Jess to safety.

Michi observes Sara's screaming ghost, ending our misery.

Great idea, top notch setting, but rubbish application.

The same could be said for As Above, So Below.

Jason Zada's film isn't the slightest bit scary and boo moments are stunningly predictable.

I guess he misunderstood the whole concept and looked at horror through a different lens.

Small screen TV star Dormer is game, but Kinney's performance is so fucking wooden, you could use emotion to light a fire.

Flexing referencing muscles...

Split into twelve epic parts, Flame and Shadow is a collection of poems by Sara Teasdale and probably American lyricist's most celebrated work.

Teasdale committed suicide by overdosing on sleeping pills.

Jess owns a copy of said book and we're informed she failed ending it all by using the same method.

For shits and giggles, 1993 sequel Prince of Persia 2 is subbed The Shadow and the Flame.


Nearing its conclusion, prince's 'shadow' must consume the 'flame', with death being the only solution.

Now that's a head fuck.

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