Monday, 12 June 2017

Resident Evil 7: Biohazard - Go Tell Aunt Rhody

After spending so much time with the most fucked up family in video game history, the Bakers paid me a shitload of cash to compile a report for posterity.

I don't do things by halves, so expect a blistering epic.


Yes, that old chestnut.

The most striking difference is Jack murdering the unfortunate David Anderson.

For North America and Europe, spade removes top of deputy's head.
Even in the Japanese Cero Z Grotesque Version, it remains intact.
Decapitated head inside fridge was changed to a normal photograph with red cross drawn over it.

To get snake key, you must stick hand down his throat.

In Japan, essential item is simply got adjacent to mutated body.

Finally, severed hand is covered in mold, rather than blood.

Series lifts

Although enhanced DS remake of PS1 original Deadly Silence featured exclusive FP sections and Dead Aim combined FP with third-person, this is the first time first person takes centre stage.

Rail shooters like Survivor don't count.

Derelict House VT is a tribute to premise of Famicom exclusive Sweet Home (the genesis of Resident Evil), and shooting booby trapped bombs is straight from Res 4.

Spectacularly boring Wrecked Ship section threatened to bring largely great spectacle down.

Anyway, GaidenRevelations and Dead Aim are set aboard Umbrella ocean liners StarlightQueen Zenobia and the Spencer Rain respectively.

Don't like the the final chapter of Res 5?

Oh well, ship happens.

The Molded come in four uninspiring varieties and here's the most common example.

Relatives include:

Bloodshot - Res 6 (left) and Leech Zombie - Res Zero (right)

And possibly.

Regenerator (Res 4)
Immortal Jack occasionally scares the shit out of Ethan by walking through walls.
Mr. X does the same to Claire or Leon in B scenario of Res Evil 2.
Oh, like Mr. X, Jack can also be 'knocked out'.

E-001 should get it on with Oswell E. Spencer.

They make such a cute couple.

Alan vomiting icky substance could well be reffing James Marcus puking leeches.

After recovering from GTA, our man Jack tries again with makeshift scissor chainsaw.

Clock Tower was initially Human's baby, but Clock Tower 3 was developed by Capcom and Sunsoft.

Scissor Twins (Jemima and Ralph)
Eveline reacts badly to Ethan's intravenous 'cure'.
Uroboros anybody?

Infliction surely stemmed from Res 5.

Series references

Capcom couldn't resist making ardent geeks smile.

Clive R. O'Brian was BSAA Head in Revelations.
Brilliant and eccentric architect George Trevor designed the Spencer Mansion, as file Arklay Research Facility "Mansion" Notes found in The Umbrella Chronicles confirms.
Arklay Mountains, July 7, 1991.
7 years before the 'mansion incident'.
Fighting Street was nonsensical name for Turbografx 16 port of Street Fighter.
Appearance of reporter Alyssa Ashcroft officially makes Outbreak canon.
When punching in password for 'Happy Fucking Birthday' door, old school sound effects were first heard in menu of Res 3.

Handgun Albert-01R is got when game is completed on Easy or Normal difficulty.

Wesker's legacy lives on.

Master of Unlocking flashes up when lockpick is used to open something.

Hey Redfield, you're really 'Chris', right?

How the fuck should I know?
Okay dude, was only asking.

Will free DLC Not A Hero be worth the wait?

Theoretically, yes.


Destroy a Mr. Everywhere statuette and He's Here, There, Everywhere! appears, reffing Beatles track Here, There and Everywhere from 1966 album Revolver.

Movie homages

If pop culture excites, prepare to climax.

The Evil Dead

Swinging bench

Join us
Evil Dead II

Ethan retorts "That's not groovy."

Any one of three passwords will unlock Lucas's door (1408, 1146 and 7500), and you have two shots at 'guessing' the correct one.

To ensure peeps can't effectively skip barn part, true password will always be unused third possibility.

If we do exactly what lunatic says, number on Clancy's body should be 1408.
1999 Stephen King horror short was adapted for the screen in 2007.
Other than to threaten Ethan's fate, You're Next could well be referencing Adam Wingard's impressive comedy slasher.
For DLC 21, Lucas forces Ethan and Hoffman to participate in a game of Blackjack with a killer twist.

Costas Mandylor's character Hoffman debuted in Saw IV.

Trophies and/or achievements in main course and/or DLC can be puns on real films.

Be Kind, Please Rewind - Be Kind Rewind
Butterfly Effect - The Butterfly Effect
Dead by Dawn?* - Evil Dead II
She's Alive - It's Alive
Sleepless in Dulvey - Sleepless in Seattle**

*Subtitle was only used for publicity material.

Who's Your Daddy Now? could be a reference to Evil Dead II, as after stabbing possessed hand, Ash gloats "Who's laughing now?"

More, more, more.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

Guest house

Mia vs Leatherface


Mummified corpse

Ju-on: The Grudge

Mia vs Kayako

The Thing (1982)

Molded vs Blair Monster

Jack vs Split Face

For the fucking awesome Saw part, what a shame Lucas doesn't say:

"Hello, Ethan.  I want to play a game."

Oh well.

Dummy vs Billy

Lest we forget, Jigsaw's communication device was inspired by Deep Red.

Eh, what's up Doc?
Cake may be a nod to modern day subterranean classic The Descent.

For the record, Part 2 was terrible.

The Hills Have Eyes (1977)

The Blair Witch Project

Andre vs Mike

Bullshit teen horror Ouija ripped catatonic state off.


Have a read of Jack rambling on.

"My little girl has given us a gift, and this gift is with me always."
So in a roundabout way, Eveline is The Girl with All the Gifts.

Colm McCarthy adapted M.R. Carey's hit novel for the big screen last year.

Evil Dead 2013

Mia shares name and likeness of Jane Levy's character.

First phase of anti-climatic end boss monster reeks heavily of Evil Dead II.

Or a deadite?

Video game rip offs

As gameplay borrowed so much, it's hardly surprising they took things too far.

Ethan's drive vs Miles' drive (Outlast)

Evie vs Alma (F.E.A.R. series)

Chainsaw death vs Alien: Isolation death

Apart from 'what' takes you from behind, principle is identical.


She's not my child contradicts subtitles, as text states she is not my child.
25 June 2014 fell on a Wednesday, not a Sunday.
There is no fucking excuse.

Famous paintings

Somebody in the family has a soft spot for art.

Let me put you in the picture.

A Cavalry Battle - Salvator Rosa 
Corn Husking at Nantucket - Eastman Johnson
Saint Jerome Writing - Jusepe de Ribera
Saint Paul the Hermit - Jusepe de Ribera
Ultimate rip offs

Expect eyes to spin more than rigged fruit machines.

Jack (second boss fight)

Grabbing final cerberus head instigates petrol powered mayhem. 
Lefty mixing it up with Leatherface in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 could well be the inspiration for set piece.
But hold the front page.

I accuse Capcom (and Tobe Hooper) of watching 1980 horror comedy classic Motel Hell.

Bruce (left) duels with pig-headed brother Vincent.
Dingy setting allows Ethan to kick and use body bags against Jack.
At one point, Bruce does the same to Vincent with pig carcass.


For first boss fight, she forces Ethan into a hole and attacks by summoning 'pretties'.
Enter Dario Argento's 1985 classic Phenomena, aka Creepers.

Jennifer (the lovely Jennifer Connelly), is able to psychically command insects.
Once mutated, hideous hag is a right royal pain in the ass to kill.
Please note elongated limbs.
Hello, what's this?

Ice Cream Man (Doug Jones) stars in Legion's most memorable scene.
Or maybe.

The Blair Witch herself, Elly Kedward, as seen in official 2016 sequel Blair Witch.

If one pisses about, you'll become monster food.

Maybe I'm drunk with imagination, but for a split second, death sequence smacks of...

...Bruce devouring Quint in Jaws.
Title demo

Switching to the small screen.

Centipede featuring in segment is reminiscent of The Walking Dead Season 3.

Topping the lot.

Digital Kitchen's iconic title sequence for Alan Ball's epic vampire TV drama series True Blood focuses on the circle of life.

Dead dog vs dead fox

And yeah, footage is sped up for maggots to feast on rotting corpse.

Call me arrogant, but I reckon only a very small minority joined the dots.

Whatever, it's truly UNBE-FUCKING-LIEVABLE.

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