Avengers: Endgame - The scoop and digest

The Russo Brothers not only conclude Infinity saga, but MCU itself.

Much to everybody's disappointment, Ant-Man doesn't fly up Thanos's asshole.

(Laughs).

Robert Downey Jr. - Tony Stark/Iron Man
Chris Evans - Steve Rogers/Captain America
Mark Ruffalo - Bruce Banner/Hulk
Chris Hemsworth - Thor
Scarlett Johansson - Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow
Jeremy Renner - Clint Barton/Ronin
Don Cheadle - James Rhodes/War Machine
Paul Rudd - Scott Lang/Ant-Man
Brie Larson - Carol Danvers/Captain Marvel
Karen Gillan - Nebula
Josh Brolin - Thanos

Summary

Shortly after Carol Danvers rescues Stark and Nebula from space, Nat, Steve Rogers, Bruce and co locate Thanos on Titan.

Much to their anger, geezer has already destroyed Infinity stones, nearly killing him in the process.

Thor loses it and decapitates Thanos.

WHOAH!

Five years later.

Scott escapes the quantum realm and tracks down Steve and Nat, suggesting a 'time heist' could undo what Thanos did.

Despite some teething problems, mission to find each Infinity stone begins.

Hopping through history is going swimmingly, until Nebula's cybernetic implants connect with her other self, allowing father to learn of future events.

The pressure cooker of battle is about to come to the boil.

Emotional goodbye

If anybody feared a damp squib, I can officially quash any fears.

The first to have no mid or post-credit scene isn't as good as predecessor, but still fucking epic.

Signatures displayed during credits is in homage to Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country.

Also, Hulk and Ant-Man appearing in the same film is a first.

Performances from Evans, Ruffalo, Johansson, Rudd and particularly Downey Jr. are excellent.

A special mention must go to Chris Hemsworth, as pot-bellied, beer-swilling Thunder God effortlessly makes us laugh.

Screenplay pokes fun at Timecop, The Terminator, Hot Tub Time Machine and specifically - Back to the Future II.

Amusingly, Scott slams BTTF's concept as 'a load of bullshit'.

In Knocked Up, Paul Rudd and Seth Rogen have nothing but praise for classic franchise.

Ironic coincidence?

As per Michael Douglas, Stan Lee as 'driver' is de-aged in 70s segment.

So having survived the snap, who actually dies for real?

Black Widow sacrifices herself at Vormir, so Ronin can acquire the Soul stone and after reducing Thanos and Black Order to dust, Tony passes away in the arms of Pepper Potts.

Okay, a decent sized lump soon appeared in my throat.

Enter the bitch

3 hours plus (which flew by), does contain issues.

Huge fan service battle between opposing armies is undeniably insane, but focus is all over the shop.

During which, Thanos goes all Edward I (King Longshanks) from Braveheart, ordering artillery to attack not just the Avengers, but his own people.

"I am inevitable."

Thanos's catchphrase stuck with me.

But what didn't land well:

"I am Iron Man."

Some may love direct reference to original film, but I thought it was cheesy.

Second and third acts aren't as strong as the first.

Considering Captain Marvel's post-credits scene gave her the big build-up, I'm a little disappointed she wasn't given more screen time.

Even without Tom Holland's big mouth, we knew those previously 'killed' would be brought back, so breathtaking climax of Infinity War is rendered pointless.

Thanos gives Cap America and Iron Man a good pasting, but baddie needed to beat somebody to death.

(You evil bastard).

And?

Video games ignoring films - Act I

Hope everybody had a great Easter.

Title of previous iteration didn't exactly roll off the tongue.

If you haven't had the pleasure...

http://nukesandknives.blogspot.com/2013/11/mysterious-malfunctions-in-video-game.html

http://nukesandknives.blogspot.com/2015/12/mysterious-malfunctions-in-video-game.html

Anyway.

The Terminator (Master System)
John Conner? Not Connor?
I must be the only asshole smelling bullshit.

The Evil Dead (C64)
Yeah, they couldn't spell Ashley right.
Same goof was made on Speccy.

Predator 2

Amiga
1990 and 1991.

Mega Drive
1990 and 1992.

Sequel was released in 1990, so why include 'other' years?

Back to the Future: The Game

I am referring to 2010 episodic graphic adventure.

Before It's About Time physically begins in 1986, Marty glances at 1885 souvenir photo Doc gave him at the end of Part III.

Take a close look at Doc.

Because eccentric scientist has hands by side, not behind back.

Sticking with Part III (NES).

Ignoring enormous cacti, locomotive pushing DeLorean is good.

But unfortunately...

Bolt of lightning didn't send time machine back to 1985. 

This is odd.

Deadly Premonition (Various)
York is literally chatting shit about Part II.
For starters, Jaws itself didn't appear in said sequel, only parody Jaws 19.
Spielberg didn't produce Jaws, as Richard D. Zanuck and David Brown did.

Batman (1989)

Arcade
"Wait 'till they get a load of me."
Chilling quote was indeed said, but not against publicity still.

Yeah, it was here, shortly after Joker murders Grissom in his office.

NES

Decent quote, but everything said to villain is complete bullshit.

Image is lifted from promo shot.

Batman Returns

Mega-CD
Film was released in 1992, not 1993.

To prove shit can be done right.

SNES

See.  1992.

Cobra

Let's look at how 8 bits recreated cinematic bomb's poster.

Spectrum

C64

Amstrad CPC

What we all know.

Shit is captured very nicely, but tagline amuses.

Crime is a disease. He's the cure.

Vs

Crime is a disease. Meet the cure.

So why FUCK it up?

I'm incredibly confused.

Amstrad version is the only one to mention Stallone, so would it have broken hearts to do this?

Stallone
 Cobra

Rather than:

 Cobra
Stallone

(Rolls eyes).

Spectrum

I accept girl by hero's side is Brigette Nielsen.
But what really disturbs is bear thing, rocket bitch and possessed killer pram.

End boss is presumably Night Slasher.
I remember Brian Thompson's OTT villain wielding knives, but size?

 One more thing.

Game under

Message is no bullshit, and yeah, of course protagonist explodes.

Apart from a great piece of music by the late Ben Daglish, C64 effort was a complete and utter fucking mess.

And not just the gameplay.

Baddies change colour when killed, and still deadly during bizarre chameleonic state.

Perversely, innocents are more vicious than enemies themselves.

Motorcyclist

Kamikaze mother and baby carriage explode upon impact.

Fair enough, bitch may have issues - but leave the kid out of it.

But worse of all is Inspector fucking Gadget.

Rather than detonating, asshole literally sucks the life out of you.

Red Heat

Thanks to magic of digitising, Amiga scan is perfect.

But Spectrum begs to differ.

James Belushi forgot his fag.
Also, Walter Hill's clash of East meets West came out in 1988, not 1989.

Better still.

Arnold Schwarzenneger &...
Wait and what the..?
You're telling me they couldn't spell Schwarzenegger correctly?

HA HA HA!

But can C64 top that?

Ed O'Ross's Georgian drug dealer's first name was Viktor.

Love it.

Total Recall (NES)

Guy on phone tells Quaid to go to the window.

Good show.

But mission turns to farce, as fictitious setting of cement factory looms.

Torch-wielding vagrants

Ball and chains

King Hobo rips off Goldfinger's classic henchman Oddjob, but instead throws an infinite supply of 'boomerang' hats.

Remember all that SHIT?

Anybody who does needs serious help.

On Mars, generic guy in green enters the mines, via Last Resort.

The last settlers come back to life and attack.

(Laughs).

Benny looks pathetic in his digging machine, but at least that makes sense.

How many pyramids can be found on Mars?

None, right?

WRONG!

The strangest looking mountain... in the world.

Paul Verhoeven's classic fared slightly better.

 Finally.

Lose a life, and prepare for another attempt.
Quaid vows I'll be back!

In this outing, screenplay never gives Arnie the chance to utter famous catchphrase.

How stupid.

Until next time.

Pet Sematary - The scoop and digest

30 years after Mary Lambert's adaptation, Kevin Kölsch and Dennis Widmyer resurrect Stephen King's chilling tale.

Jason Clarke - Louis
Amy Seimetz - Rachel
John Lithgow - Jud
Jeté Laurence - Ellie
Hugo and Lucas Lavoie - Gage

Summary

The Creed family relocate from Boston to the sleepy town of Ludlow, Maine.

Almost immediately, Ellie discovers mysterious animal graveyard Pet Sematary, where she befriends neighbour Jud.

After moggie Church is killed off-screen by a truck, Jud persuades Louis to bury pet beyond the sematary.

Louis is stunned when Church returns home, but feline is now a nasty bastard.

During her birthday party, Ellie is distracted by Church and subsequently killed by a huge tanker.

Ignoring Jud's warnings, Louis exhumes Ellie's body.

References

It

Derry road sign.

Graveyard Shift

At the hospital, Louis says in his previous job, he worked on the...

Cujo

At Ellie's birthday bash, we hear Jud mention a Saint Bernard who got rabies.

Dead is better

Original was no classic, but God compared to this.

Performances are largely good and like Carrie (2013), sticks closer to the book.

John Lithgow doesn't disappoint as Fred Gwynne's successor, with Jeté Laurence and Amy Seimetz also impressing.

However, John Connor is duller than dirty dishwater.

Bring back the OTT screaming of Dale Midkiff.

Exposition is inevitable, but first half treats us like fucking idiots.

In regards to Ellie dying instead of Gage, I'm not particularly fussed, but tragedy is nowhere near as harrowing.

Other tidbits include Church found dead on Halloween, rather than Thanksgiving, and Jud's dog called Biffer instead of Spot.

Even when things kick off, set-pieces are devoid of suspense and horror.

As running time is slow, boring and never scary, I wouldn't blame anybody for taking a trip to dozy land.

From ghostly visions to trucks honking horns (seriously), jump scares are spectacularly ineffective.

Now for something odd.

As per Church, Ellie's zombie has one eye slightly closed.

Fine.

But at random intervals, both are open.

Errr, logic?

When Louis digs up Ellie, body is in tip top shape.

Considering how she died, I find that rather difficult to believe.

Shazam! - The scoop and digest

Without getting into copyright politics, Shazam was originally called Captain Marvel.

Now that's cleared up.

Known for Lights Out and Annabelle: Creation, David F. Sandberg ditches horror to give DC a bash.

Zachary Levi - Shazam!
Asher Angel - Billy Batson
Jack Dylan Grazer - Freddy
Mark Strong - Dr. Thaddeus Sivana
Djimon Hounsou - Shazam

Summary

In 1974, a young Thaddeus Sivana is transported to magical realm the Rock of Eternity, where resident wizard needs a new champion to protect the world from the 7 Deadly Sins.

However, he's deemed unworthy for not being 'pure of heart'.

In present day Philadelphia, teenage misfit Billy Batson has been fruitlessly searching for mummy bear, and forced into living with yet another foster family after falling foul of the law.

After befriending Batman fanatic Freddy, Billy is summoned to the Rock, and wizard convinces Billy to say his name (Shazam).

Upon uttering magic word, Billy is transformed into brick shithouse in red spandex, armed with the superhuman powers of Solomon, Hercules, Atlas, Zeus, Achilles and Mercury.

Meanwhile, Sivana has since acquired the Eye of Sin, giving licence to unleash the 7 Deadly Sins at will.

Geezer must realise his 'true potential', before it's too late.

Mid credits

An imprisoned Sivana teams up with Mister Mind.

Post credits

Shazam dismisses Freddy's challenge of talking to fish (as per Aquaman), as silly.

Turn off your brain

Light-hearted, colourful, self-aware and pretty enjoyable, DC is definitely heading in the right direction.

If Big was a superhero film - this would be it.

Giant piano played inside department store hammers shit home.

Running time also whiffs of Chronicle, particularly when Shazam is experimenting.

Levi is a hoot playing teenager and Grazer makes the best of a hit and miss script.

Shazam is playing to an audience, timing lightning to the beat of Eye of the Tiger.

One such blast causes random bus to crash.

Ha ha ha!

To bring situation down.

It drags on for too long (hence central gag runs out of steam), action tunes into Yawn FM and CG monsters suck serious ass.

Mark Strong's villain is incredibly boring and reason for holding grudge against family for x amount of years is ridiculous.

When baddie is walking with staff, I couldn't help but scream Gandalf.

During carnival climax, it's abundantly obvious no kids will die.

So what's the fucking point?

Video game refs

Odd.

To say the least.

Freddy and Shazam are playing Mortal Kombat X, with titular character shouting 'Fatality!'

Wouldn't it make more sense to use Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe?

An adult Eugene exclaims 'Hadoken' when hitting Sin monster with lightning blast.

WTF?

Resident Evil 2 (1998) - Beyond the Horror

I think we can all agree that Akuras shop, publicity photo of Back to the Future III and Redrum on wooden boards is common knowledge, right?

Great.

So here's more.

Taxago rather than Texaco.

Basketball court has some odd graffiti.
Blood on Dancefloor and This too shall pass.
Whether intentional or not, Above the Rim is a 1994 film.

Gleam watches

Vending machine is clearly a nod to Coca Cola.

Though not shown in full, Kong Burger is based on Burger King's now defunct logo.

S.T.A.R.S. office is about to get weird.

Gold emblem

Unicorn medal is hidden underneath Chris's diary.
Oh look, there's the other emblem.

How did respective key items get from the Spencer Mansion, and more importantly - WHY?

Is it just me that finds it extremely strange that only those who survived* the 'Mansion Incident' have their own desks?

*Wesker didn't officially die until Resident Evil 5.

Wait a mo, what about Brad?

Excluding Rebecca of course, what about those poor bastards from Bravo team?

RIP Forest, Enrico, Joseph, Richard, Edward and Kenneth.

Moving on.

Ben Bertolucci's surname could be in tribute to Italian film director Bernado Bertolucci.

Similarly, William Birkin's surname may come from Reiner Schwartz's Dr. Birkin in David Cronenberg's cult 1979 horror classic The Brood.

Alex debuted in Street Fighter III: New Generation.

Wrecked Mini is similar to the one famously driven by Rowan Atkinson's Mr Bean.

Title is illegible, but image is ripped from Playboy, June 1989.

Okay then.

Seen very briefly during Leon's intro, President Mithouard did indeed hold said position of the municipal council of Paris from 1914 - 1919.

Was zombie supposed to represent him?

Plaque is nearly the same as actual sign.

But Raccoon City 'was' situated in America...

(Shrugs shoulders).

To something that makes more sense.

Wesker forms part of window.

To-fu's beret shy friend is 'patched up', just like Leon.

Next is probably total coincidence.

Random zombie vs Elliot Edward*

*Not to be confused with Elliott from Outbreak.

Scenario B

Surname of character designer Ryoji Shimogama is spelled in reverse.

DeLorean

Check this out.

Unlike remake, helicopter crashing actually made sense.
Please note N21RA on tail boom.

Same helicopter is seen in ST.A.R.S. photo.

Kick ass.

To wrap up, my personal best.

Leon vs Back Seat zombie

Yep, they just edited and recoloured face model.

Sneaky.

Ruben Fleicher's Zombieland is rumoured to be based on Left 4 Dead 2, but I don't see much in it.

Double Tap is out in October, but for now - it's all about 2009 original.

Rule #4 Seatbelts vs Back seat attack

SERIOUSLY?

But wait.

Capcom's original inspiration may have stemmed from Universal Soldier, as Dolph Lundgren's psychotic villain tries to strangle Van Damme's goodie.

It's not beyond the realms of possibility.