Sunday, 3 February 2013

Bad cover art - Take 4


Is anybody there?  How about 'Is anybody there so they can give a peg up as I can't quite reach this film title?'
Wah!  If I wasn't insulted enough by getting tossed into orbit by some terrible Hulk Hogan impostor, why the fuck have I got yellow visual tackle and wearing a green green outfit?
This is a camp and distressing mess which destroys the original.   That just about sums up this cover art and the actual film...
The guy on the right is thinking, is the a pittance  worth the humiliation?  Whereas the other  must be wondering how he can display one of the cheesiest and most cliched smile that would make fans of The Village People wet...
Hmmmm, yummy.  Raw tongue, come on you bitch, tease me no longer because I'm really hungry...
The woman isn't screaming because of undue exhaustion and dread of the imminent mess that this terrifying big bad wolf is going to make, it's the bastard that's holding her at gun point to make the poor cow simulate another smile that comes straight out of the cringe diary.
Is that a grimace or a smile?  Whatever, it appears that Stuart Gordon is the freak of the piece if he thought this pile of shit would shift x amount of copies.  Hideous, hungry & loose?  Well, the first adjective is correct.
I almost feel sympathy for this trim female who is suffering from an unknown strain of constipation.  The beast isn't the problem, it's the need for senokot.
Bankruptcy is sometimes undeserved.  This is not one of those occasions... 
The best yet, but that's like saying that a turd was more attractive than the previous.  Look at this awkward bastard, where does he hope to go and what does he plan to achieve?  Why does the dragon look so fucking smug?  It's as though this lizard type is actually laughing at the consumer.
I'm sure the trilogy of assholes that exist here each have got their own story to tell.  I would stick around and listen but unloading a 357 Magnum in my ass seems more appealing...
Here's a tip that's more obvious than a furniture sale ending on Bank Holdiay Monday.  The buyer wants to be enticed by attractiveness, even if what's inside is sheer and utter bollocks.  The pricks responsible for this shit beg to differ.  The addiction label only adds to my contempt for more mess than a rabbit's hutch. 
What is the deal here?  If this was animated, he'd fall quicker than a vagrant on crystal meth performing a pirouette.
Warning! Danger!  Bullshit has breached security and is on its way to destroy your soul.
If bilge was worth anything, I'd drape this effort in gold...
Oops, have to pose for the camera before I tuck in to a tail that must be more pleasant than the tale behind the thinking of hiring such a wonderful artist.
Ah, that's better.  Oh, didn't you know that tweaking your own boob is the key to exhaling fear at the prospect of some lunatic trying to deprive you of it.  All Hands Ahoy must be a hidden message to dirty bastards...
This is why machines will never replace humans.  There's something quite eerie in their eyes as the single dot surrounded by plain milk is the reason why we are all thankful that this hero and damsel do not practice hypnotism. 
I wish the same could be said about the cover art...
Hmmm, this one's a bit different as there's a glaring grammatical error, as Stephen King Cujo makes absolutely no fucking sense.
A brilliant and misleading example of Aliens-esque bullshit.   The eyes suggest vampiric tendencies and that smile causes unease for a very different reason...
No amount of sorcery can save this manure mountain.   At least the green gremlin can pick up radio waves.  Oi!  What's the latest football scores?
This doesn't have the problem of grammar, but why the twinkle in the eye?  The blood on the small child's face doesn't infer that the artist spilt any drawing this unnecessary excuse of excretion.   
I assume the title is a swear so in that case, what a load of Kwah!
It's an odd time to play Peekaboo during an apocalypse but what's weirder is why the fuck a zombie is playing it?
Take a looksky at this corporal punishment.  It's proof again that Sega wanted to keep the cost down for the quality of sleeve art on show here.
Here is why it's possible for a being (living or otherwise), can have a forehead bigger than Anthony McPartlin.
Whoosh, this asshole is obviously too ashamed to show his face, hence the reasoning behind his ultra fast zoom off.
Beware the ultimate evil of the dickhead that thought it was a good idea to emit the title from the palm of his hand.  
Get your rox out, get your rox out honey, shake the dice and hope it's better down town.  Hmmm, it seems that even the alternative Primal Scream description couldn't save this.

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