Sunday, 10 February 2013

If this isn't variety - you're distinctly the greatest denier!

A rather daunting prospect stands before me.

It’s a deviously designed assault course with more cunning than a fox and laid with more obstacles than getting work passed uncut by the BBFC.

Up, down, crawling, ascending, and scrambling are just some of the actions needed to overcome such a monstrous task.

The course has most beat before they even begin as this is an unforgiving and wicked stretch of unimaginable hatred.

I like to use the below as motivation for all newcomers.

Listen, and understand.  That assault course is out there.  It can’t be bargained with.  It can’t be reasoned with.  It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear.  And it will absolutely not stop, ever, until you are dead.

Now I'm sure that even the weak and demoralised will feel angry and more determined to overcome such a task.

In this situation, take a portable hydraulic press for extra insurance.

Don’t let it intimidate you, I feel your will is strong and although it will suck the life force like taking a straw to liquid, you will overcome this challenge.

It is not my intention to extinguish your ass, but to motivate you.

On your marks, get set, digest.

Joy and frivolity on a Summer Holiday, I may be gone for a, month or two.  Sit back and relax on, such a holiday, Wild Nothing will invite you all too, yes why don’t you come to?

PS. Cliff Richard isn't invited...

Crystal Stilts are Half a Moon and Half Moon is a track from Iron & Wine.

Katy Perry lit a Firework and Atlas Sound created Lightworks.

As The Years Pass By, I miss Graveyard more and more.

This Charming Van and This Charming Man are tracks by The Phoenix Foundation and The Smiths respectively.

Semi Sonic encourage a situation which means that I’m once again in it Over My Head.

She Spreads Her Wings and Spread Your Wings are songs by Semi Sonic and Queen respectively.

Lady Radiator has Kids for sale and Beatles for Sale in an album from a very famous bunch of Liverpudlians.

It was a mistake listening to Foals as that ensured another Late Night.

Miss Potter and Miss Bala are both films featuring ladies.

Look Out Sunshine! because here come The Fratellis.

The Lion’s Roar is a track from the album of the same name by First Aid Kit whereas The Big Roar is an album from The Joy Formidable.

Tobal No. 1 is a 1996 PS1 fighting game and Gangster No.1 is a violent 2000 Malcolm McDowell crime drama.

It’s time to stand up and take Notice of Gomez.

P2 is a 2007 horror and B3 is a Placebo track.

We all know by now that Keane is a band but if you didn't know, also a 2004 film.

If warranted, I’m happy for any success of any kind and therefore, I’m so Glad for Cream.

Just Married and Just Friends are both films released in 2003 and 2005 respectively.

Deep Purple have a Mean Streak inside them and Mean Creek is a decent 2004 ‘bully comes unstuck in the woods’ movie.

Hungry Daze and Hazy Daze are tracks by Deep Purple and Stone Temple Pilots.  Wedding Daze is a romcom starring Jason Biggs and Isla Fisher whereas Skool Daze is an inspirational and classic 1984 Spectrum game.

You can be sure that Gotye are Coming Back for more.

Catatonia have been around in the music business for such a long time they have practically become Part of the Furniture.

If I Fall, I’m hopeful that Aqualung will be around to catch me.

Thanks to Keane, my life is literally Spiralling out of control.

I can tell you some, but not All The Secrets as it wouldn't be appropriate without seeking consent from Flying Lotus.

Freedom Fighter and Freedom Fighters is a track by Rainbow and 2003 video game respectively.

Dare you step into the Danger Zone with Rainbow?  Yes, I thought you would.

If you ever want to get out of a tricky situation by faking an illness, hire Crystal Castles as they are able to cast Fainting Spells.

There are seven of us Rainbow; just Make your Move.  Oops, I don’t want to go into what happened next.

I reckon that Dry the River is already written down in some History Book.

Proof of Life and Proof of Love are both films.

I have a question to ask Young the Giant, if God Made Man, who made woman?  I never did get an answer.

The Twang had the Last Laugh, Mark Knopfler tried to take The Last Laugh out of my mouth and Travis enjoyed The Last Laugh of the Laughter.

Let Them All In is a track from I am Kloot’s 2013 album Let It All In, Smoke Fairies nag Let me Know for a decision, Let Me In is the decent Amercian remake of Swedish vampire tale Let The Right One In and Don’t Let Him in is a 2011 horror.

Here is a nice teaser that I've come up so as always, have a crack at it?

What have the following video game chars all have in common with each other?

Joe Musashi in Sega’s Shadow Dancer,
Galford in SNK’s Samurai Shodown,
Fiona Belli from Capcom’s Haunting Ground; and
Jack Slate from Namco’s Dead to Rights

I hope you can get the answer w/o ‘Googling’ but instead of keeping you hanging; the solution will be given at the end as it won’t be particularly difficult for gaming veterans.

Flying Lotus sucked the blood out of history by travelling around with Time Vampires.

ZYX and X&Y are efforts by Gomez and Coldplay respectively.

First Aid Kit is like an alternative rash because Winter is All Over You.

Tuesday the 17th is a short from 2012 horror anthology V/H/S.  It involves an obscured image (The Glitch) murdering unfortunates who have been lured to the woods for a camping trip as bait so their 'friend' can kill it.

Director Glenn McQuaid can deny it if he wants but it’s all a very, very Slender idea.

Paper Tongues are not discriminatory; they welcome the worse, the bad, the toxic, the brave and even the Rich and Poor.

Rainbow felt Stone Cold and Queen became Stone Cold Crazy yer’ know.  For the latter, cue the ‘crazy’ guitar sound...

I awoke from A Bad Dream and to my horror, Keane lay next to me.

Gotye spent Seven Hours With a Backseat Driver and you can only feel their frustration.

Painted Horse and Pantomime Horse are songs by Deep Purple and Suede respectively.

Unstoppable and Atomic Train are both movies released in 2010 and 1999 respectively.  The former is surely a massive rip-off of the latter because both are about trains that have problems with brakes carrying deadly cargo.

Also, having recently seen the action-packed and sometimes very violent The Raid, I’ve decided that Pete Travis’s highly commendable Dredd ripped the idea off.

Both are set in crime-ridden high-rise apartments and the goodies have to ascend to take out the head baddies who are coincidentally, both drug lords.

Immortal and Immortals are both unrelated films.

Sister is a 2012 Swiss film and also a track by The Black Keys.  Sisters is a 1973 Brian de Palma horror.

I want the Same Thing as the Barenaked Ladies.

Vipers is a terrible 2008 horror and Fighting Vipers was one of the many Sega arcades released on the AM2 board and was released in 1995.

Vindicators and The Vindicator are both different types of video game.

Black Swan is a track by Thom Yorke and also a 2010 film.  Royal Swan is a tune by Fucked Up.

Silent Trigger is a 1996 movie and Chrono Trigger is a 1995 Square RPG classic.

Public Enemy and Public Enemies are both films released in 2002 and 2009 respectively.

Many will know of Wario Ware: Touched! on the DS which is a wacky set of so-called micro games.  It actually started some years before in 2003, it all started on Game Boy Advance as Wario Ware, Inc. Mega Microgame$ and then, another effort appeared on the Gamecube.

Apart from that corpulent villain, others included Incredible Crisis and the amusingly titled Bishi Bashi.  When released on PS1, the latter was released as Bishi Bashi Special and was a combination of earlier entrants of Super and Hyper Bishi Bashi.

Definitely the most obscure and probably about as well known as the origins of our universe was ESD’s Multi Champ in 1999.

This enjoyed the same principle, was totally Japanese and equally insane.

Last Resort can be either a 1992 SNK shump or TV series and Last Alert is a pseudo PC Engine Ikari Warriors clone with a plot.

Gomez remove Chicken Bones and Chicken Bones & Stones is a piece of instrumental music by Ocean Colour Scene.

Stone Cold and Stone Cold Crazy is a 1991 film and Queen track respectively.

If a goalkeeper makes a rash or terrible decision in football, they are said to have A Rush Of Blood to the Head.  Personally, I didn’t know that Chris Martin played.

Bye Bye Baby, Bye Bye Badman and Badman’s World are songs by Ok Go, The Stone Roses and Jenny Lewis respectively.

Theory of a Deadman has a Point to Prove.

Eden Log and Eden Lake are both films.

Suicide Blonde, Suicide Drive, Suicide Life and Suicide Policeman are tracks by Inxs, The Seahorses, Eels and Yuck respectively.

I suggested that We Sleep on Stones and while it could be very uncomfortable, at least I matched the eccentricity of Cherry Ghost.

Cupid, Inc and Monsters, Inc refuse to change the similarity trend in films.

As one door closes, A Window Opens for First Aid Kit.

Taking a flight of fancy in films sees you find The Crow, The Swan, The Raven and The Eagle.  I’m not counting Hitchock classic The Birds because that’s generic.

Borderland is a 2007 horror movie, Borderlands is a well known FPS series, Borderline is a track by Thin Lizzy and Border Down is a very good 2003 arcade shmup by G-Rev which is also the spiritual sequel to Taito’s 1991 Metal Black.  When you look at both, you’d scream rip off but not now...

It’s a waste of time asking Gomez for directions in a maze as they’re Just As Lost As You.

Forbidden Planet and Forbidden World are films released in 1956 and 1982 respectively.

Supertramp should be blasted out in any situation and that includes Even In The Quietest Moments.

As long as Little Comets are around, you needn’t Worry about a thing.

Tornado Warning and Storm Warning are both unrelated films.

The Breakfast Club is one of the many cult classic movies that came out of the 80’s.  Pupils can choose to join after-school activities that include chess and computer club.  Owl City founded The Yacht Club.

Airborne Ranger is a classic 1987 Microprose war simulation and Rendering Ranger: R2 is a 1995 Rainbow Arts effort.  The interesting thing about the latter is that it was designed by Turrican legend Manfred Trenz.

Hmmm, apart from being able to exploit SNES effects and hardware, I think he took the legacy of Turrican 2 a bit too far.

Deep Purple can be described as a Mad Dog and Mad Dog McCree is a 1990 live action lightgun video game franchise which stored video on the then revolutionary laserdisc. 

Psychic Force and Psychic Storm are both video games.

War Horse is a 2011 movie and War Child is a Blondie song.

I’ll never achieve anything, will never sell myself, nor get a promotion, or be liked and generally suck at life.  Still never mind, at least I have become a Pessimist using Wild Nothing as my principal role model.

Q and Q & A are both films.  I.Q and I.D share the same problem.

Rise Against threaten not to tip the balance, but will Tip the Scales.

It Came from the Desert is a 1989 Cinemaware Amiga classic and They Came from the Attic suggests its name is better than the film it represents.

I would treat myself to a Foo Fighters album but I don’t have Enough Space.

Weezer leave you with many Possibilities.

Solitaire is something that I find extremely boring but Deep Purple beg to differ.

The Wedding Present are Getting Nowhere Fast but I do like a trier.

I became part of an unusual situation in the classroom the other day as a hefty brute was using me to draw an equation and various other shit on the board.  Something inside me told me to consult Crystal Castles and soon after, it all made sense because I Am Made of Chalk.

Blue Skies, Broken Hearts... Next 12 Exits is an album by The Ataris.  Remove everything else apart from the first two words and you have a Noah and the Whale song.

Soft Cell ask Where Did Our Love Go? and Kasabian wondered Where Did All the Love Go?

The Only Ones are a 70’s band probably most famous for the hit Another Girl, Another Planet.  This band is also a song by The Subways and The Only One is a track by Evanescence.

I know just how to pull Young the Giant and their Strings.

Submarine is a 2010 film adapted from a 2008 novel and Submarines is a song by The Lumineers.

The Enemy invite you to Come into My World.

Drop Zone is a 1994 movie and Dropzone is a 1984 Archer MacLean seminal classic borrowing heavy elements from Defender.

Men of War stars Dolph Lundgren and Casualties of War is a 1989 war drama starring Michael J. Fox and Sean Penn.

Wild Nothing are partial to a Drifter or several.

Twenty Four Hours are tracks by Joy Division and Athlete whereas 24 is a hit TV series starring Kiefer Sutherland.

Vengeance and Vengeance Day boast to be both films.

I know it’s Belated but I finally accepted New Found Glory.

Athlete visited Tokyo and Tokyo (Vampires & Wolves) was met with disdain by The Wombats.

If you have soreness, talk to Elastica as they have a strong supply of Vaseline.

Goodbye Hollywood and Goodbye Joe are songs by Jet and Tindersticks respectively.

If I have to spend One More Day with The Albion Band, I’ll swear I won’t be held responsible for what I may do.  One Fine Day is a 1996 romcom.

The other day somebody told me that they lost my Blink 182 album and their excuse was frankly Pathetic.

If you don’t listen to Bjork via Headphones, you’re been disrespectful.

What Makes You Think You’re The One is a track by The Twilight Singers and if you remove the first four words, it becomes a song by The Black Keys.

Eraser and Rubber are tracks by No Age and Yuck respectively.  Rubber is also a crazy film about a killer tyre and is just one of those things you have to see for yourself.

Narc and Narco Police are both game released in 1988 and 1991 respectively.  Karma Police is one of the finest Radiohead tracks you could hope to wrap your ears around.

When riding a rollercoaster or any white knuckle ride, Electric Light Orchestra recommend that you should Hold on Tight.

Gomez is like vodka and coke, a most excellent Mix.

If you have ever been invited to a Teenage Fanclub concert, no matter what plans you already have, it’s really difficult to Say No.

Longpigs yearn to be Happy Again, Supergrass feel as though they have been Born Again and Black Flag are Jealous Again.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs will one day make me Rich.

Celebrate! and Celebrate are songs by The Phoenix Foundation and Levellers respectively.

The Wombats are like the Royal Mail, they get Lost in the Post all too often.

Gomez are made of Ruff Stuff and Tuff E Nuff is a 1993 SNES brawler.

You want me to go back there, into the Lion’s Den?  Oh well, at least Dry the River wished me good luck.

Cheapskate, Cheapskates and Cheapster are songs by Supergrass, The Clash and Spiritualised respectively.

Martial Law is a TV series with Sammo Hung providing the high-kicking action and Marshall Law is a mainstay in Namco’s popular Tekken franchise.

Forget a magical mystery tour as Electric Light Orchestra will take you to Destination Unknown.

For anybody who’s seen The Bourne Legacy, it’s all about the meds and chems.  For M.I.A., it’s all about the Meds and Feds.

Never Back Down and Won’t Back Down are both very different movies.

I was left hugely disappointed by a set from Keane and I couldn’t help wondering that they are Better than This.

Feeder are Pushing the Senses and Shearwater is Pushing the River. Dry the River is a band and R.E.M attempted to Find the River.

If you play a board game without enough Counters, it’s a waste of time.  Playing a Young Knives CD is a practical alternative.

The Pact is a terrible 2012 psychological thriller and The Pact (I’ll Be Your Fever) is a Villagers track.

After much stubborn resistance, I decided to Swallow my Pride and listen to Soundgarden.

Eagles don’t take the piss, they Take the Devil.

If you attempt to complete a Puzzle with a Piece Missing, it will be futile, pointless and impossible.  Gotye beg to differ...

Super 8 is a 2011 movie and Alien 8 is a 1985 isometric Spectrum classic

Prisoner of War is a 2002 PS2 game and P.O.W. - Prisoners of War - is a 1988 nostalgic trip down SNK memory lane.

Shadowlands can be a 1993 film and/or 1992 fantasy RPG.  Shadow Land is a 1987 Namco action game.

Eagle Eye is a 2008 thriller while Hawkeye is a 1988 Thalamus C64 classic.

Of Human Bondage is a 1934 film and Of Walking Abortion is a Manic Street Preachers track from their classic album The Holy Bible.

Sahara is a 2004 adventure film and Foals braved the Spanish Sahara.

I instructed Screaming Trees to Make My Mind, Chairlift encourage persuade most to Make Your Mind Up and Bucks Fizz are Making Your Mind Up for you.

Come Inside and Step Inside are tracks by Tindersticks and Gomez respectively.

Stealth is a 2005 film.  Project Stealth and Project Stealth Fighter are different types of video game released in 1990 and 1987 respectively.

I made a song and dance out nothing after hearing Cherry Ghost as it turned out to be a False Alarm.

If I am in the same room as Barenaked Ladies, I implore you not to Pinch Me.

Bone Machine and Bone Tired are tracks from Pixies and Gomez respectively.

The Phoenix Foundation are a Sister Risk and Sister Act stars Whoopi Goldberg.

Funeral for a Friend were once again exposed to the Elements.

Death Cab for Cutie were in a spot of trouble when taking on Dracula as the only stake they had was on a poker game, the leftover garlic was settling nicely on a certain bread and the only use they thought a cross had were with noughts.

They knew it wasn’t their day as No Sunlight refused to shine so they scarpered to safety and apparently, our man celebrated by feasting on a virgin.  Never mind lads, at least when looking back on this situation you can say fangs for the memory.

Prince of Peace is a track by School of Seven Bells and Prince of Persia is a long-running video game franchise created by Jordan Mechner.

I believe Fallout 3 began the trend of later introducing the so-called Game of the Year Edition.  Borderlands, Uncharted 3, Batman: Arkham Asylum, Dead Island etc have also got their grubby mitts on this tacky tag.

This is some crazy shit and may not immediately click (until now).

Take the first letter from each of these words of this tag and you’ll get Gotye.  I blush at making you aware of this latest coincidence.

To paraphrase their most famous song, it's now Something That You Now Know.

Mitzi Dupree is a track by Deep Purple and You, Me and Dupree is a 2006 film.

It is said that Flying Lotus are not human and are really moulded from Clay.

Well it’s the moment you’ve been waiting for and it’s the answer to the earlier teaser.

All protagonists have a canine companion to help them in their cause.

Whether it be a wolf, domestic woof woof or dashing hound, those pixels have got it covered.

Wow, just cleared the final obstacle and the instructor made a brew rather than pouring me a cold beer.

Humph, that was hardly a fitting reward for such an outlandish set of manoeuvres but I suppose it’s better than a boot in the nads.

After chewing much fat, the gristle will return with more firepower than an action movie.

Until that magazine is reloaded...

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