Wednesday, 13 March 2013

Bad cover art - Take 5

The King of the Teeth Gritters are grinding their way into succeeding in pulling some of the worst expressions in fighting history.  Why the fuck have the ballet dancing pricks swapped places and inventing a new way of displaying an X?
It frightens the shit out out of my toilet of what problems Cyclops has, let alone the other 'things' that have escaped on day release.
No wonder the sword wielding warrior looks more stumped than a cricketer on how his fire breathing friend managed to miss toasting his ass at such close range.  Please don't stab him, chat about it over a pint and then discuss how revenge should be exacted on the artist.
Amagon?  What kind of a name is that?  Hey I know, the translation is from some obscure and forgotten language literally meaning "WHAT THE FUCK?"  A half naked adult male in the company of a gun toting child is just wrong.  Amagon can apparently transform into Megagon.  Is that a euphemism? 
Billy, Billy, Billy.  I feel genuine sympathy for your neck, or more appropriately, lack of it.  It's not all bad news as Mick Dundee now has a rival.
The 80's brought many great things and this is not one of them.  You have to take your Sombrero off to eight fashion victims who don't know whether to laugh, cringe or cry.  If this fails to broaden any smile, it's beyond my dimension.
Oh my fucking horse meat.  Why oh why is he looking the wrong way while in mortal danger and what possible reason could anybody have to clutch his enemy's limb, especially one belonging to that of a dragon?  Of those fairies, why are they delaying sprinkling magic dust on me?  Is it because I lied when I was 17?  Even when the sun is shining, this shit can't avoid the lightning.
Yeah, it's absolutely hysterical been thwacked in the cheek.  As for that guy stuck in the rim, stay there pal and keep away from the epidemic nearby because it's infectious.  Even the play on words of Basket Brawl can't disguise this appalling scrawl.
It is quite intriguing as to why the huge perverted head playing with dice almost seems to be getting off on having such a headache.  This is proof that the guy in charge was smoking something that wasn't legally available in your typical newsagent, supermarket or kiosk.
For anybody who cares, this was a sequel to Class of 1984.  The idea of robot teachers deployed to apply discipline to unruly pupils is quite novel.  However, why decide on a design that is virtually identical to The Terminator when the premise is nothing like it?  I reckon that the intention to mislead was purely to make a fast buck.  It suggests that dignity was shit hot at hide and seek.
The 'aiming' epidemic has indeed spread to science as these malfunctioning unfortunates couldn't make a direct hit at close range if you threatened them with WD40.  Oh, robots need boxing gloves as much as slugs need salt. 
Cyberdyne Systems Model 101 becomes Gary Kasparov.  Killer cyborgs playing such a mental monster would indeed be amusing.
What's that?  It's Fire Ant and not Fire Scorpion?  Ha ha!
I would like to hire The Parkie of Viz fame to dish out his own unique brand of justice on the party concerned with creating this lump of uncomfortable excretion. 
How dare this try to be ironic and/or funny?  Let me tell you something, it's really not.  This offends to the point of needing therapy and while I'm not Shrek's biggest fan, the desperation used here is for all to see.
The designer wasn't just a pill head, but also an asshole and suggests he/she popped too many when compiling.
It's a whip cracking shame that Indiana Jones never partook in this particular adventure and choosing images from Temple of Doom as a form of advertising was more stupid than entering The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
If this is normality, I want to become the opposite, of every second, every minute, every hour etc etc of every other dangerous negativity.
Booting bins is fun, it allows steam to escape, much like a fart lost in the icy chill of wind.  There is just one more act that would make my lifetime - finding the prick who drew this obnoxious piece of shit...
Finish me Minotaur.  Please, don't hesitate, you'll be doing me a fucking favour.
A parody of Snake Plissken and Sir Arthur?  Epic fail...
Now what do we have here?  A steaming pile of horseshit or a determined plethora of distasteful disdain?  It's hideous, it's horrible and poor Strider, a once respected and iconic bunch of pixels has now been made to become an awkward stream of paralysed piss.
I now have no doubt that Cage should be 'caged' and left to the mercy of a bunch of ravenous homosexuals armed with various blunt instruments and a powerful blow torch. 
Saint George apparently slew the hideous fire breathing dragon without the privilege of laser eye.  Lancelot is not only waiting to kick his ass, but to take his damsel and be dominated by alternative riding lessons.
Ultimate Kick to the Love Spuds.  A hungover vagrant is capable of regurgitating more convincing bullshit (from whatever hole).

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