Monday, 11 March 2013

If this isn't variety - you're immeasurably the greatest denier!


A hot day can attract wildlife, loss of clothing, exhaustion and puts a whole new meaning on Thirsty Thursday.

However, many take advantage of such generous weather by firing up one of the ultimate outdoor traditions - a barbeque.

It’s a beautiful day, the coals are burning, the guests and general chit chat is in full swing and the liquid refreshment is nicely chilling.

The chicken, burgers and other stereotypical food are sizzling delightfully as family and friends impatiently wait for tasty treats to be served up.

The sun expands energy; the sky is blue and the only thing that is baking more than potatoes are complexions.

With laughter heard and the pressure to impress increasing, we may as well sit back and ingest another type of fodder.

I see Grouplove and their true Colours have finally shone through.

You can’t blame Puressence for any mistake or misdemeanor because they Don’t Know Any Better.

The Coral are more than any band or artist, they are More Than a Lover.

If you have any compassion, please Spare Me the prospect of experiencing The Feeling.

In its most basic form, the answer to any question is either yes or no.  Grizzly Bear beg to differ as they can never give A Simple Answer.

After making a fairly innocuous comment, The Wedding Present put their foot in it once again which led them to say What Have I Said Now?

No matter what line of questioning Blur throw at me, I vow to never let them Wear me Down and opposite to the process of digestion, Red failed to Break me Down.

Alphabeat boast the Fantastic 6 and Fantastic Four is an awful Marvel comic and film.

Guided by a Voice is a Feeder song and Guided by Voices is a band.

Deep Purple are guilty as charged but the jury always acquits them of any offence because they maintain a Picture of Innocence.

When It Flows, it appears that Great Lake Swimmers will become the proverbial river.

Jamiroquai gave me a Lifeline and Doves would use Lifelines unnecessarily on Millionaire.

Good Old War has been going Over and Over inside my head but if I concentrate, I’m sure I can persuade them to climb out.

After taking things a bit too far in front of a bunch of burly men, it struck me that David Gray must like Hospital Food.

There’s no point in waiting because The Walkmen are never gonna Wake Up.

After feeling particularly great one day, Supergrass felt Born Again.

Pass Me By and Don’t Pass Me By are songs by We are the Ocean and The Beatles respectively.

Brother in Arms and Brothers in Arms is a track by Young Guns and song and/or album by Dire Straits.  Wall of Arms is an album from the Maccabees.

The Drums polish their Submarine and The Lumineers command a fleet of Submarines.

As a contest this is over as after scoring another impressive goal, The Feeling have got this well and truly Sewn up.

You can suffer death by a thousand cuts and there is a Thousand Ways to experience The Tallest Man on Earth.

Blur will ensure that any athlete will succeed in any marathon as long as they remember to plug a limb into a recharge socket because before any race they will insert a Battery in your Leg.

How to Dress Well showed genuine concern after undergoing surgery but I told them that it’s My Body so I can do what I like.

Sold Unseen and Sold as Seen are tracks by Puressence and I am Kloot respectively.

Mexico and M.E.X.I.C.O. are tracks by The Staves and The Kills respectively.  The chances of this happening with another song title are surely zero…

The Lumineers are not an attractive prospect as they make Stubborn Love.

Goldfrapp warn of a recent Slippage made in the corridor.

A woman’s bag may as well be an implant attached to her shoulder as To Leave it Behind is unthinkable, rather like the memory of a Great Lake Swimmers gig.

Far From The Crowd is a track by The Coral and Far From The Madding Crowd is a novel by Thomas Hardy.

We should all know what Bloodsport is but Bloodsports is a much anticipated album from Suede.

Golden Gate and Golden Gate Bridge are tracks from We are the Ocean and Ocean Colour Scene respectively.

Ha ha ha, he he he, Gaz Coombes Presents is on the lavatory, singing songs and dropping Bombs.  Ho ho ho, he he he.

On your birthday, Inspiral Carpets wish you Many Happy Returns.

The Road is a novel adapted to a 2009 film and Seabird frequented This Road.

Melody’s Echo Chamber had to be chipped out after been Crystallized for many years.

The Butterfly Effect and The Lake Effect both qualify as been films.

Zero Dark Thirty is a 2012 dramatisation of the manhunt for Bin Laden.  Before that, a TV movie existed in Code Name: Geronimo – The Hunt for Osama Bin Laden.  Ozombie isn’t a joke and ranks among the worst movie idea of all time.

Danny Boyle introduced the world to The Infected in 28 Days Later and Four Year Strong was named among unused extras in an Easter egg that could never be unwrapped.

Films that include dangerous oink oinks include Pig Hunt and Korean effort Chaw.  The original killer pig was Razorback in 1984, based upon Peter Brennan’s novel of the same name.  Squealing Pigs is a track by Admiral Fallow and Squeal is a 2008 horror film.

The Wedding Present say that You Should Always Keep In Touch With Your Friends or you could risk losing them.

I don’t know why The Who bother as they Can’t Explain and The Flaming Lips do their best as they at least Try to Explain.

When a package is ready to be collected by Admiral Fallow, I insist that it must be signed, sealed and Delivered.

Better Weather and Better People are tracks by Good Old War and Oasis respectively.

I looked Through the Glass and what did I see, Wild Nothing mesmerizingly staring at me.

Maybe Today, Maybe Tomorrow, Maybe Tomorrow, Yesterday, Today & Probably Tomorrow are tracks by We are the Ocean, Stereophonics and The Courteeners respectively.

If you’re not careful, I’m going to Spank you into submission and have you begging for more.  Well that sounds risqué but what’s kinkier is The Naked and Famous.  Spanky’s Quest is an amusingly titled 1991 Natsume video game.

When visiting Birmingham, Tindersticks cannot resist performing at The Bull Ring.

Somebody asked me if I’d consider entertaining Kids in Glass Houses.  After a brief pause for dramatic effect, I replied sure, but Not In This World.

The Weekend understands The Knowing and Knowing is a 2009 film.

I can show you how to get from A to B.  Goldfrapp will quite happily ensure you end up at A&E.

Dead Mary and American Mary are both films with contrasting subject matter.

While there is no guarantee, in order for a fruit machine to pay out, you should speculate to accumulate.  In which case, Red urges you to Feed the Machine.

It’s a right bitch getting served when How to Dress Well are around because their baby faces encourage the barman to ask for your Date of Birth.

Work was pissing me off, the family thought it would be a good laugh to drive me to distraction and foolishly assuming my day couldn’t get any worse, a final Kick in the Teeth was not being able to find a Supergrass album.

Mr. Brooks is a different kind of Kevin Costner film, Mrs. Jones is a track by Ocean Colour Scene and Mr. Jones can be a 1993 film or Counting Crows track.

When I asked Puressence to Raise Me to the Ground, I didn’t think they’d blow me up.

Graveyard are very keen to return to their Evil Ways.

Didjital Vibrations and Good Vibrations succeed in both been tracks by Jamiroquai and The Beach Boys respectively.

I hear you Longpigs, Loud and Clear.

Two Weeks and Two Weeks Notice is a track by Grizzly Bear and 2002 film respectively.

I am Virgin, I am Bruce Lee, I am I, I am Love, I am Diva, I am Sam, I am Legend, I am Diva, I am Omega and I am Number Four are all films of varying quality.   I am Alive is a survival horror game in a post apocalyptic setting but sticking with similar subject matter, the upcoming The Last of Us sounds far more interesting.

Before becoming a successful franchise, Mr. Driller first appeared in 1999 with the obscure and unrelated Spectrum puzzler Driller coming out 1988.  The Driller Killer is a notorious 1979 movie.

Dogs of War is a 1989 run of the mill war game from Elite and Dogs of Lust is a track by The The.

I can suffer The Staves by The Motherlode.

Attention all job seekers, forget soul destroying job clubs and patronising suits, refer to Death Cab for Cutie and read The Employment Pages for fulfilment and enlightenment.

Grouplove have Spun another convincing yarn to the unfortunate and gullible.

I was excited at the prospect of been the stand-in guitarist for a Deep Purple gig but my dreams were quickly dashed as I was unable to play because Somebody Stole my Guitar.

ClayFighter 63 1/3 is a 1997 Nintendo 64 entry in the claymotion fighting game series and The Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult released in 1994 is what the subtitle suggests.  At least it didn’t continue and do a Friday the 13th as The Final Chapter didn’t stop there…

Dante’s Inferno is the most famous part of The Divine Comedy and Christian’s Inferno is a song by Green Day.

I grow frustrated during a lecture conducted by Anberlin as this is one Foreign Language I want to understand.

Anyone for Tennis or failing that, alert Cream?

Arabian Nights is a 1994 Amiga game and Arabian Sand is a song by The Coral.

Look, stop busting balls.  You just won’t let go will you?  Okay, if I Eventually give The Phoenix Foundation a chance, will you climb off my back.  The things I have to do…

If I’ve told Gomez once I’ve told them a 1000 Times.

All We Are, As You Are and Who We Are appear to be best enjoyed by One Republic, Travis and Red respectively.

So come then did you get them?  Who?  You know who?  I’m sorry I don’t.  C’mon, Young the Giant?  Oh right, yes I Got them alright.

Great Lake Swimmers can introduce you to The Man With no Skin.  How interesting for all aspiring medical students.

“What’s that on the side?”
“Well it’s funny you should ask because It’s For You.”
“Can I open it?”
“If yer’ like.”
“Oh what is it?  It’s not even my birthday.”

The Wedding Present was met with great surprise.

My Cousin Vinny and My Cousin Rachel are films of the fairly recent.

Listen to Semi Sonic, they’ve got it All Worked Out.

The XX were Swept Away and Flushed Away is animated fun.

Ring-a-ring o’ rosies, a pocket full of posies, A-tishoo! A-tishoo, One Republic will All Fall Down.

Like the transition of day into night, Anberlin is Inevitable.

I really must insist that Good Old War must stop Calling Me Names or I’m telling the teacher.

David Gray is up and down more than a Kangaroo in the mating season.

Grizzly Bear are taking part in The Hunt and The Hunted is a 2003 film.  In the Hunt was a 1993 Irem scrolling shmup boasting typically detailed graphics.

The Wedding Present once told me that when I grow old, I should be bold and buy a house At the Edge of the Sea.

When visiting Grouplove, they will offer the plebs a mug and the more distinguished a rather Lovely Cup when enjoying a brew.

No matter what, Melody’s Echo Chamber remind all parents must Be Proud Of Your Kids.

Slide In and Slide Away are songs by Goldfrapp and Oasis respectively.

Like a human, vegetable or animal, Great Lake Swimmers go through Various Stages of development.

House of Pain and House of Bones is a Deep Purple number and film respectively.

No matter what comedy or joke that has gone before, the Funniest Thing you’ll ever hear is Supergrass.

Rise of the Robots and Rise of the Guardians is a terrible 1994 video game and 2012 animated movie respectively.

I am Kloot admired the Mouth on Me and A-Ha asked to Take on Me.

Hell, In Hell and From Hell are all different types of films.

Red would rather Watch You Crawl then for you to walk, run or jump.

Four Year Strong must Fight the Future in order to escape their past.

We bought some merchandise from The Walkmen and foolishly waited until later test it.  It of course didn’t work and I concluded that We’ve Been Had.

Racing Hero is a 1989 Sega motorbike racing arcade and Riding Hero has to be among the most boring Neo Geo game ever.

We Are Scientists are a right bunch of Nice Guys and Mr. Nice Guy is a 1997 Jackie Chan film.

It’s not particularly rude to Stop and Stare at Fenech-Soler.

Blur may have won the Battle but I was victorious in war.

Twenty Zero One is a track by Jamiroquai and if you switch this to numeric form and make sure Maniacs is added after, it becomes a comedy horror starring Robert Englund.

The Little Mermaid and The Littler Minister are both different types of film.

Wasted Away and Wasting Away is a Dum Dum Girls track and a unique 2007 zombie comedy respectively.

No Age have a n unnerving interest in Male Masturbation.

I’m going nuts right now, in fact thanks to Deep Purple, I’m going absolutely Bananas.

The time is right and The Coral are Leaving Today.

Looking Back, I regret not giving Keane more of a chance.

The Killers conclude that The River is Wild and The River Wild is a 1994 film.

After disrupting the peace and causing a general nuisance, Arctic Monkeys were once again bundled into the Riot Van.

I started talking gibberish and incoherent nonsense in front of Grouplove.  I suppose they got me Tongue Tied.

It appears that The Walkmen are hosting a gig in your neck of the woods, If Only It Were True.

A bit of bedroom gymnastics was in the offering and sure enough, one thing led to another…  The only problem was it ended prematurely.  I can’t understand it as shortly before, my preparation was extremely sound as I warmed up with an album from The Wedding Present for a bit of alternative Dutch courage.

The wife and I chatted about my performance and she started laughing.  Talk about rubbing salt into a guy’s open wound right?  Not wanting to hurt my feelings, she pointed me in the direction of the track listing and to my horror, Niagra came into focus.

Soon after, we both started chortling…

Wild Nothing didn’t turn up to perform at a music festival.  This didn’t surprise me because no Confirmation was ever received of their attendance.

Quis Est Iste Qui Venit and Acta Est Fabula are both Latin phrases featured in video games Silent Hill: Shattered Memories and Haunting Ground respectively.  The occurrence of each is solitary and displayed after every death respectively.

The translation of each is “Who is this that cometh?” and “The play is over.”

I don’t think Snow Patrol can handle The Weight of Love.

How to Dress Well caused me to get this drunk that I Can’t See My Own Face.

Don’t Make Me Laugh and Only When I Laugh is a track by Gomez and classic ITV sitcom set in a hospital respectively.

It was So Along Ago since I last heard The Coral, I’m not sure I’ll like them anymore.

1 Day and One Day are a case of spot the similarity in film titles.

Grizzly Bear want a Central and Remote location to hide in until the dust settles.

After the Party I still crave for more, to score and the Good Old War.

It’s a Solid State of affairs between the country and Puressence.

This Is Not Like Home and This Ain’t Home suggest Great Lake Swimmers and Seabird activity respectively.

Information Travels Faster than light.  Really?  No not really, it’s just Death Cab for Cutie  sounding off again.

Supergrass achieved the unique GCSE grade of a Low C.

I again succumbed to the attraction of Young Guns.  It seems I will never Learn my Lesson.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers is a 1956 sci-fi but the 1978 remake starring Donald Sutherland and Leonard Nimoy is more famous.  Anyway, it’s great that I remember a 1984 Spectrum shmup aptly named Invasion of the Body Snatchas!  Another remake met with rousing reviews was David Cronenberg’s 1986 remake of 1958 movie The Fly.

This Could Be it signals the end of a Mainstay concert.

A friend of mine became increasingly annoyed by my irritating behaviour as I acted like an imbecile, prodded and probed to the point that he just couldn’t stand it anymore.

When questioned of my unnatural and erratic tendencies, I blamed the sound of Rainbow because once this happens; I become a Fool for the Night.

“Can you hurry up?  We’re late enough as it is.”
“Quit your bitching woman, I’m nearly done.”
“You said that hours ago.”
“Yeah well this time I mean it.”  “Don’t you see, you Can’t Stop Now.”
“Not really.”
“Is that supposed to some kind of joke?”
“No,” met with a genuine look of bewilderment, “What are you on about?”
“Look I’m nearly done; I’m down to the last Keane album.”

If you are one to Trade Mistakes, contact Panic! At the Disco.

Wet Hair entered foliage in The Garden Room and Snow Patrol respected authority as The Garden Rules.

I need to loosen these Chains to play Iggy pop, Lacuna Coil were found to be Unchained and Chained attempts to breathe new blood into the slasher genre.

If you fancy A Little Something Refreshing, I suggest No Doubt.

Due to a spot of trouble, The Phoenix Foundation scattered like a Flock of Hearts.

Kids in Glass Houses were so hot tonight, they were literally on Fire.

It seems that Supergrass Can’t Get Up.  Is this any different to millions of others on a Monday morning?

Back in the mid 80’s and 90’s, amusements in seaside resorts used to be packed to the rafters with arcades.  Nowadays, you get a sparse choice at best and instead a gambling paradise waits impatiently for those reels to spin.  Whilst reminiscing I find myself saying Those Were the Days and thinking of Cream.

Four Kicks, Teenage Kicks and Foreign Kicks are songs by Kings of Leon, The Undertones and We Are Scientists respectively.

Everybody has one and Razorlight are my Vice.

School of Seven Bells will disappear then Reappear before your very eyes.

Do me a favour, While I Shovel the Snow and clear the path, make the weather feel the warmth via The Walkmen.

I asked Blondie to Call Me and for Primal Scream to Call on Me.

Prom and Prom Night exist as films.

I really can’t stop staring at Good Old War as they have really Amazing Eyes.

Mothers can be embarrassing to the average teenager unless The Wedding Present is involved.  Mother is a 2009 Korean drama.

Mercenary is a 1985 video game and Immercenary was an ambitious but ultimately dire and deeply flawed 1995 FPS 3DO game.

It’s a shame really as the switching between realities concept was interesting, crashing algorithms was fairly novel and the combining FMV against graphics meant it had some good ideas but unlike the main antagonist, this was not a Perfect game and proved to be very annoying.

No Rest for the wicked, right Dry the River?

Arctic Monkeys invited me to enter their pad and of course like anybody would, I accepted.  It was with great surprise that jugglers, gymnasts, fire breathing strongmen and sword swallowers displayed their flamboyant routine enjoyed by a packed audience.

Other entertainment included acrobats leaping through burning rings, elaborate plate spinning and the audience held its breath while dagger throwing was successfully negotiated.

It suddenly dawned on me that This House Is a Circus.

Let it Burn is a track by Red and Let it Bleed is one of the many famous albums by The Rolling Stones.

Little Brother and Big Brother are tracks by The Tallest Man on Earth and David Bowie respectively.

Foals are like smoking and biting fingernails, a Bad Habit.

I find it quite convenient that Cream have a healthy supply of Wrapping Paper so I can seek help when the shops don’t have appropriate designs.

Rapid Reload, Rapid Racer and Rapid Fire each enjoy a different genre of video game.

You could be forgiven for sometimes feeling the urge to Kill Your Co-Workers.  It suggests that Flying Lotus were never caught...

I would make time for Gomez but unfortunately I’ve made Other Plans.

Do not awake the Sleeping Giant that is Gaz Coombes Presents and Flying Lotus own a Sleepy Dinosaur.

Counting Crows is a band and Counting Days is a Wild nothing track.

The Babysitter and The Sitter are both films.  Of the latter, this is one film that Jonah Hill will want to forget in a hurry.

When You Sing, School of Seven Bells will run.

Trouble with Dreams and The Trouble with Men and are tracks by Eels and The Wedding Present respectively.

I was puzzled at first but now I have Seen the Light that Supergrass is a band that shouldn’t be ignored.

Music and Lyrics and Life and Lyrics are both films.

A surgeon will make one or two incisions in his/her time and Excision is fairly twisted 2012 horror.

I’m Never Bored because I like to keep myself busy and listen to The Walkmen.

Grizzly Bear are never short of a Cheerleader or several to gee up the crowd at any sporting event.

Close Your Eyes and Count to Ten and I guarantee that Grouplove will appear before you.  In addition, When Your Eyes Close, expect Puressence to be waiting the next time you open them.

According to Deep Purple, One Man’s Meat is another man’s pleasure.

I became increasingly frustrated at Four Year Strong and their inability to release the clutch, slip her into gear and talk to that handbrake.  A bollocking wasn’t required as Just Drive did it for me.

With the day fast approaching Late Afternoon, the sound of The Coral is becoming a reality.

Well that was absolutely delicious (remarked the guests).

Like the temperature, the overall attendance inevitably decreases as dirty dishes and menial waste dominate.

Some chores can be left until the morning and clearing the cans and general debris is definitely one of them.

The muck and grime may cling to cutlery and crockery like a monkey does to a tree or a pair of mating frogs, but no matter what unknown surprises the morning after has to offer, I could happily revisit this or any day. 

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