Tuesday, 22 January 2013

If this isn't variety - you're substantially the greatest denier! Ud 07/04/13

Lock and load grunts.  We’re attacking and I want a performance with more balls than a training session at Old Trafford.  It’s going to be tough, but we will give a good account of ourselves and not yield like a salt covered slug.

That’s a negative!

No Feelgood, that’s a positive.  I can’t believe my ears.

Damn, that’s bad if you can’t trust your listening tackle, trust your instinct instead.

Where’s your balls man?

Where they always are and I intend to keep them there.

Wrong answer, they’re in my hands and if you don’t man up, kiss these babies goodbye.  Got it?

(A nod of acceptance follows).

Now unless anybody else has got any objection, can we get this shit over with?

Oh yes, brilliant, can’t bloody wait.  Personally, I prefer to put death on hold and make the grim reaper wait just a tad longer because according to rumour, he’s keen to blunt his blade.  So do you want to resist the sharpness of his scythe and delay knocking on heaven’s door?

FFS man!  Do you have to be more dramatic than a Shakespearean tragedy.  You could depress the hands of a clock into not ticking anymore.  Of your pal the reaper, if we make it through this, I’ll give you an enthusiastic shove in the right direction.

Err, do we have any ID or intel on the enemy’s tactics and what about manoeuvres?  Oh great, it’s starting to rain and you know how much I hate...

SHUT THE HELL UP!

AYE AYE SIR.

Let me see your war faces?

(All) AAAAAAAAAAGH!

Alright, MOVE IT OUT!

Can this hopeless bunch of fairies overcome their adversaries which boast remorseless firepower, deadly accuracy and a temporary lack of regard for human kind?

Find out at the end.

The Verve claim I See Houses and “I see dead people” is a now famous quote from M. Night Shyamalan’s The Sixth Sense.

Shooting Star is a track by Lou Reed and Shooting Stars used to be a funny comedy panel game show hosted by Vic and Bob.

Pirates! and Pirates are unrelated games.

Plant Life, Park Life and Country Life are tracks by Owl City, Blur and Show of Hands respectively.

Massive Attack and Garbage like the wet weather as the former Pray for Rain and the latter are Only Happy When it Rains.

Zombi is an adventure game first released in 1986 for 8 bits and if you’ve played it, it’s plain to see that it was obviously inspired by Romero’s ultimate 1978 zombie film Dawn of the Dead.  ZombiU is the Wii U’s first attempt at survival horror.

Do or Die is a track from Super Furry Animals and Skate or Die! is a 1988 Electronic Arts sports game.  Skate or Die without the mark is a 2008 movie.

I suspect that Electric Light Orchestra and New Order will cause a little Confusion.

When reading a book and you want to take a break, borrow a Bright Pink Bookmark from Frightened Rabbit.

I Wanna Dance With You and I Wanna Stay Alive With You are songs by The Subways and Ocean Colour Scene respectively.

It must be amazing to only write 5 Chords to each song but that’s exactly what The Dears achieve.

When the Rain Falls, it’s a perfect time to step out to Suede.

Flowers in the Window and Flowers in Your Hair are songs by Travis and The Lumineers respectively.

Terra Nova is a sci-fi series and Terra Cresta is a 1985 arcade shmup.  Terra Incognita and Terra Firma are tracks by Atlas Sound and Young Knives respectively.  It's also great that Tales from Terra Firma is an album from Stornoway.  To settle up Terra-Gate is brought to you by Public Image Ltd.  

Maroon 5 visited a bowling alley and while they were largely awful, a Lucky Strike was finally achieved.  You can imagine their relief.

How did I know that Dum Dum Girls slept with me last night?  They kindly left their Teardrops on my Pillow.

The young used to be considered young but not anymore thanks to The Hundred in the Hands because the Young Aren’t Young.

If you haven’t discovered The Automatic yet, then it’s High Time you did.

I struggle to understand The Concept behind Teenage Fanclub but as long as they’re happy.

When shopping for daily essentials, Oasis should form Part of the Queue, just like everybody else.

Deerhunter are seeking a Revival and I’d be glad to help.

The local Graveyard is an integral feature of Feist.

I was playing basketball with Counting Crows and challenged me to attempt an audacious hook shot from a ridiculous distance and angle.  Before letting fly, they shouted “I don’t know why you’re bothering because you’ve got no chance”, “Why not?” I asked.  “Look even Michael Jordan would struggle From Where You Are.”  That totally put me off…

I can’t believe that Low singled out a particular party, I mean Especially Me.

If I Were With Her Now, I might have done things differently.  Nope, I’m not reminiscing over a past relationship, just thinking of Spirtualised.

Kids in Glass Houses promise that The Best is Yet to Come and Audioslave believe they are the Shape of Things to Come.

Soundgarden respect Little Joe and Tindersticks wave Goodbye Joe.  Killer Joe is a 2011 black comedy film.

Ultraviolet is a 2006 Milla Jovovich entertaining action vehicle and Ultraviolence is a song by New Order.

The National get nervous of meeting new people as they are Afraid of Everyone.

I Don’t Want Love, I just want The Antlers.  I suppose you can’t have everything.

With my Back Against the Wall, I don’t fight back and release the pressure on Cage the Elephant.

Roll up Your Sleeves and enter a fight with We Were Promised Jetpacks.

Aztec Camera is Just Like Gold and Ian Brown is Just Like You.

White Denim was getting hammered in a game of footie and whatever they score now is just All Consolation.

Why can’t you confuse a coward with a book?

A book’s got a spine.

It’s been a Mighty Long time but I hear Tapes ‘n Tapes calling.

Gay Angels and Avenging Angels are songs by Perfume Genius and Space respectively.

Lou Reed experienced a Perfect Day and American Hi-Fi felt Another Perfect Day was imminent.

As long as you treat an album by The Boxer Rebellion correctly, they will come to No Harm.

Two Doors Down is a song by Mystery Jets and 3 Doors Down is a band.

Rox in the Box is a track by The Decemberists and Rox is a 1998 Sega Saturn game which was later released on PS1.

I told the wife that we were going to a Fleet Foxes gig so out of respect; she needed to look the part.  It took a while but she found her Bedouin Dress.

Another gig later and this time it was my turn.  I stood out in the crowd at a School of Seven Bells concert as I proudly wore my White Elephant Coat.

Kaiser Chiefs are a great band but Things Change.

Please Noah and the Whale, I’m begging you.  Can you end my pain and mend My Broken Heart.

After the second album by The Vaccines, there is simply No Hope.

Conor Obrest of Bright Eyes became a substitute teacher and oversaw a test.  Each pupil handed in their papers and while marking each set, mistakes were noticed but there was something about how those mistakes were addressed that left him absolutely furious.

The following day, the culprit was called back.  Obrest slammed the seemingly innocent unfortunate against the wall and whispered in his ear, no matter what happens, in the future Nothing Gets Crossed Out.  A complaint was never made by his parents nor was any action taken.

Rage is an overhyped 2011 video game, The Rage is a 2007 horror film and The Rage – Carrie 2 is a predictably awful sequel to the 1976 Brian de Palma original.

I realise this might be Insignificant but nevertheless, Counting Crows deserve this tag.

Captain Wedderburn and Captain Courageous are tracks by Bellowhead and Levellers respectively.

After I did something seemingly innocuous, Fluke threw a right royal Wobbler.

Some Nights and Some Mothers are songs by Fun and Pulled Apart by Horses respectively.

They Nest, They Live and They Wait are all different types of films.  They Die and They Ride are tracks by Anathema and The Twilight Singers respectively.

Wild Beasts and Paul Weller are Invisible and Our Broken Garden is only Visible to You.

Paper…

Tiger – Beck
Heart – Turin Brakes
Walls – Yellowcard
Shoes – Incubus
Moon – Stealing Sheep
Thin – Chapel Club and Hot Water Music
Snowflakes – Son, Ambulance
Bag – Fiona Apple and Goldfrapp
Cities – Other Lives
Money - Soulsavers
Tigers - Caesers
Route - Calexico

If you didn't already know, Paper Tongues and Paper Aeroplanes are both bands.

Glasvegas fed a Lonesome Swan and Beck gave company to Lonesome Tears.

Bernard Butler suggests that People Move On and Headswim are Moving On.

Isolate is a song by Moby and Isolation is a 2005 horror film.

I want All of This and More.  I knew Inspiral Carpets would leave me with unrealistic ambitions.

The Pierces and Cat Power are on the road to Ruin.

Multiplicity is a 1996 Michael Keaton comedy film and Municipality is a song by Real Estate.

Strange Magic and Tragic Magic are songs by Electric Light Orchestra, The View and Falling in Reverse respectively.  Practical Magic is a 1998 Sandra Bullock film.

The Lightning Seeds don’t want much, just A Small Slice of Heaven.

X does indeed mark the spot for System of a Down.

Pink has a Split Personality and Split Personalities is a 1986 Domark Spectrum puzzle game where you attempt to reveal famous faces such as Ronald Regan and Margaret Thatcher by rearranging squares in the right order but many obstacles are out to stop you.

There’s a Running Joke about Queens of the Stone Age and it’s not in the slightest bit funny.

Alanis Morissette had One Hand in my Pocket and Biffy Clyro decided to Pocket his winnings.

Dum Dum Girls are Always Looking and The Charlatans were Just Lookin’.

What Can I Say, I like The Pigeon Detectives.

Father Ted is a classic C4 comedy and Father Time is a song from Animal Collective.

Beck own various warehouses, it’s a shame they’re all Derelict.

If you want to know how This Day was Made, please direct your queries to The Hundred in the Hands.

New Fast Automatic Daffodils asked What Kind of Hell is This?  I would simply reply ‘Earth’.

Clocks without Coldplay is like Armstrong without Miller or Mitchell without Webb or etc etc.

Crystalised and Spiritualised is a track by The XX and band respectively.

Diary of a Wimp is a song by Space and Diary of a Wimpy Kid is series of Jeff Kinney novels now adapted into a live action film franchise.

I wish somebody would please tell Madness to Shut Up.

Now you’ve got to decide, are you in the red or In the Pink?  If you’re the latter, Young Knives is problem you must sort out.

Cosmic Love, Cosmic Girl, Cosmic Radio and Cosmic Castaway are songs by Florence + The Machine, Jamiroquai, Wet Hair and Electrasy respectively.

On very Special occasions, Garbage is played on request.

Some nutter blindfolded me and set me the task of predicting what CD was about to be played.  The twist was I could only sniff my way out of trouble.  I was confident the answer was Nirvana because it Smells Like Teen Spirit.

May I issue a warning that gigs performed by Friendly Fires will feature Strobe lighting.

When I moved into a house sold by White Denim, I was angry to find that the house wasn’t furnished.  Yes that’s right, not a single item to park my bottom.  Instead, it was polished and shiny, some may say it was Burnished.  I suppose it serves me right for mishearing.

Lou Reed handed me A Gift and The Gift is a 2000 Sam Raimi film.

Temple of the Dog are Your Savior and Rise Against will act as a Savior.

Why do Alice in Chains and Saddam share something in common?  They were both found Down in a Hole.

The Fallen Angels and Fallen Angel are both different types of video game.

It seems that the opinion on Thirteen Senses remains Undivided.

The Hunted is a Brett Anderson track and The Hunter is a 2011 Willem Dafoe film.

It appears that Panic! at the Disco are doing their level best to Stall Me.

The Horrors are Moving Further Away and Manic Street Preachers are Further Away.

If you ask TV on the Radio any sort of request, they will more than likely respond with Will Do.

If you make A Promise to Broken Records, I’d advise you to keep it.

There’s a Star and She’s a Star are songs by Ash and James respectively.

Midnight Run, Midnight Cowboy and Midnight Express are all films released in 1988, 1969 and 1978 respectively.  Midnight Blue is a track by Electric Light Orchestra.

I was having an argument with some cocky upstart in the pub as he was acting clever in an attempt to impress the girls.  I destroyed him with it’s Something I Call Personality as he clearly didn’t have one.  The timing of New Found Glory was brilliant.

Storage and Storage 24 are rather different films.  The former is a 2009 Australian horror thriller and the latter is a watchable 2012 British creature feature.

Show of Hands and The Rifles are Coming Home and James will eventually Come Home.

Lost Cause is a Beck song, Just Cause is both a video game franchise and film.

Here Comes the Sun, Here Comes the Moon and Here Comes the Weekend are songs by The Beatles, George Harrison and The Jam respectively.

When Tom Cruise Cries I wanna be there to see it before The Rakes.  Damn, too late.

They say that towards the end of a football season, it’s usually a two horse race.  This is something that Menomena don’t agree with as they only bet on One Horse.

No Need to Argue and No Need to Worry are songs by The Cranberries and Yeasayer respectively.

I see your true colours shining through…

Red – Elbow, The Dirty Three and Bosnian Rainbows
Green – Paul Weller
Yellow – Coldplay
Blue – Elastica and First Aid Kit
Silver – Echo & the Bunnymen, Ride and Detroit Social Club
Gold – Spandau Ballet and Owl City
Grey - Funeral for a Friend

Green and Red are also albums from R.E.M. and Taylor Swift.

If I search tirelessly Through the Dirt and the Gravel, I’m sure I’ll find that missing We Were Promised Jetpacks album.

It’s not a question of now, but When for Perfume Genius.

Stab and Stabbed are tracks by Title Fight and Glasvegas respectively.

Shush, it’s important you Don’t Wake the Lion as you’d be mad to ignore Magnum.

I don’t see why you would but if you’re bored of First Aid Kit, stop moaning and Dance to Another Tune.

It’s sad that Seapony have practically Nothing Left to offer.

Snow Patrol knew the Last Ever Lone Gunman and Them Crooked Vultures challenged a Gunman.

God Hand is a 2006 PS2 action game and Wolf Hand is a Pulled Apart by Horses track.

The Cold Light of Day and The Harsh Light of Day are both unrelated films.

Vile, Grotesque, Famine and Brutal are all films.

People can have Obsessions; Suede can be linked to such a personality disorder.

This is a proud moment as Here By Me stand 3 Doors Down.

Flashover is a track by Klaxons and Flashback is a 1990 film and 1992 game.  The latter is often mistaken as the sequel to Another World.  Flashbacks of a Fool is a film that didn't make Daniel Craig famous.

Would anybody deny me and Stealing Sheep a little Shut Eye?

Somebody asked me what I thought of I Am Arrows.  I couldn't really answer as it was So Long Ago since I heard them.

If you want to avoid a Confrontation, please ignore The Rapture.

Woods are not pushing daisies, they’re just Pushing Onlys.

I can feel the presence of Elbow; I just know it’s going to be Any Day Now.

Sex Dwarf, Sex Karma, Sex Prayer and Sex Maggot are tracks by Soft Cell, Of Montreal, White Denim and Goo Goo Dolls respectively.

Crystal Castles is a Baptism of fire.

I had the worst migraine and for whatever reason decided that music was the best medicine.  Metz improved matters to a certain degree as throbbing pain was reduced to a Headache.

Forget about Tomorrow and focus on today.  The first part is advice given by Feeder and what a good expression in its entirety because I made it up.

Kula Shaker has left a puzzle to challenge even the best Layton fanatic.  Go ahead, try and Figure it Out.

Some people have compatriots, Pendulum hang out with Comprachios.

I’m confident that Passion Pit could Make Light of any situation.

The Naked and Famous only read one type of daily bilge and that’s The Sun.

Instead of satisfaction, The Strokes experience Gratisfaction.

If I can Get Myself Into It, then I can pull The Rapture out of it.

1*15*96 is 1440.  The sum but not answer was devised by The Ataris.

I don’t see any point in denying it as Everybody Knows it’s True about what is said about The Phantom Band.

I’ll be certainly On The Lookout for Barenaked Ladies.

Who’s afraid of the big bad wolf?

The Naked and Famous – A Wolf in Geek’s Clothing
Radiohead – A Wolf at the Door
Queens of the Stone Age – Sometime’s in the Wolf
Gomez – That Wolf
Keane – Wolf at the Door
Of Montreal – We Will Commit Wolf Murder
Maximo Park – Wolf Among Men
Super Furry Animals – Let the Wolves Howl at the Moon
Oh Land – Wolf & I
First Aid Kit - Wolf

The Kills are a bit like staying in a Travel Lodge, they’re both Cheap and Cheerful.

Whoo! Alright – Yeah… Uh Huh.  I just had to get out of there as they were driving me to distraction.  I left a polite but insulting message for The Rapture.

When people are Shaking, they may be cold or are in need of a Sugarcult fix.

The Ending of the Beginning, End of the Beginning, The End Has No End, The Beginning and the End is a melody from the OST of Resident Evil Code: Veronica, tracks by 30 Seconds to Mars, The Strokes and Anathema. 

The Beginning of the End are tracks by The Twilight Singers and Tired Pony respectively.

The Beginning without an end was made possible by Eels and i
f you’re going to tell The Ataris a story or give them information, don’t leave out any detail as they’ll just ask you to Begin Again from the Beginning.

I've got a feeling that these Boots will fit those of The Distractions.

Interview with a Hitman and Interview with the Vampire both share title similarities.

There are very Strange…

Lights – Deerhunter
Magic – Electric Light Orchestra
Glue – Catatonia
Days - We Are Augustines
Universe – Non Phixion
Ones - Supergrass
Attraction - The Cure
Fruit - The Twilight Singers

I know I’m Mad for doing so but I was listening to The Dead Weather the other day.

Wooden Jesus and Wooden Heart are songs by Temple of the Dog and The Duke Spirit respectively.

If you want a reason to like The Automatic, I can happily provide a List.

I’m Not the One, You’re the One and She’s the One are tracks by New Found Glory, Sugarcult and World Party respectively.

Portishead opened a Glory Box, stupidity was performed by Incubus by unlocking an Idiot Box, The Low Anthem emjoyed the melody emitted from a Music Box and Ultrasound got fussy over a Glitter Box.

Tindersticks have a track called Untitled and Keane decided to settle on Untitled 1.

Speed of Sound and Wall of Sound are tracks by Coldplay and American Hi-Fi respectively.

Strength in Numbers is essential.  It’s the main reason why The Music survived so many random attacks.

One Way and Way of Life are songs by Levellers and New Order.  One Way of Life is a Levellers Best Of album.

A portable fan produces Recycled Air, as do The Postal Service.

Weezer can be found Across the Sea and The Beatles are plastered Across the Universe.

After listening to Foo Fighters, I felt My Poor Brain practically begging for mercy.

Sticky Fingers In Your Honey is a Skunk Anansie song.  If you remove In Your Honey, you’re left with a famous album by The Rolling Stones.

It’s a nightmare playing Pro Evo with Future of the Left as every time they score, they insist on enforcing the replay as they like to watch Goals in Slow Motion.

21st Century Boy and 21st Century Man are songs by T-Rex and Electric Light Orchestra respectively.

If you have an argument with White Denim, no matter how annoyed they are, fire Let’s Talk About It at them and they’ll always buckle.

If I Were In Your Shoes, I’d listen to You Me at Six.

Body of Evidence and Body of Lies couldn't be more different as films.

Suede comfort Lonely Girls, Scouting for Girls hang out with Posh Girls, The Lumineers know Classy Girls, Counting Crows chill with American Girls and Weezer learn from Smart Girls.

Seeing double:

Double Exposure is a 1983 film, Double Take graced us in 2001, Double Jeopardy released in 1999 stars Tommy Lee Jones, Double Impact is a twinned 1991 Van Damme effort, Double Dragon is a 1987 inspirational scrolling brawler, Double Team again stars Van Damme in 1997 and why not cap this off with music as Double Helix is a track by Death Grips.

I commented that I like The Kaiser Chiefs both as people and from a musical perspective.  I suppose they really couldn’t reply with anything else apart from Thank You Very Much.  In similar circumstances, The Wedding Present said Thanks.

Thank You For Not Smoking is a 2005 movie and Admiral Fallow are Dead Against Smoking.

Pulled Apart by Horses is not just some Epic Myth.

If I ever have to go on a Mystery Date, I bet The Wedding Present will be in close attendance.

Phenomena is a song by Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Phenomenon is a 1996 John Travolta movie.

I’d feel Safer if Animal Collective were playing.

I shared Breakfast today with EMA.  How could you not?

Show of Hands was practicing the same dance routine and gradually it began to irritate, I had no choice but to shout Stop Copying Me.

The group was scared, they feared for their lives and the hope of intimidating the enemy was ultimately futile.  Feelgood begun to feel bad as the danger was more threatening and frightening then any beast warmed in the flames of hell.

They experienced more pain than the average ear-bashing from a woman with more humps than a camel. 

A group of Predators defending their base pummeled them with more paint than a decorating firm but they were thankful to escape with their lives.

Yeah I know, a bit of a dramatic build up for paintballing exercise.  They won’t forget this in a hurry as the pathetic posse will nurse more bruises than a neglected banana.

Still, I suggest this experience was a little less painful...

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