Sunday, 13 January 2013

Stallone funnies!

Action films have being doing the rounds in cinema for decades and to ensure that an action film works, you need a star and you can't really go too far wrong than an adrenaline pumping, muscle bound ride with Stallone.

The Expendables proved that despite his tender years, he can still cut action celluloid like a hot knife through margarine.

This feature is not a biography of the man, nor a stampede down his chars or films, but it's all to poke my own unique humour at the legendary thespian.

Jess, I'm not quite sure that is gonna work.  This rope is sixty years old and it's hardly the time or place for skipping.
I need a bath and if I can't take it at yours, then anything goes. 
It's Rambo's turn to make The Great Escape. 
I AM NOT JUST THE LAW, I AM ALSO THE LIP!
You can stare all you want, I really am going to use this blade.  Further more, if you don't piss off, I'll make sure you get the point instead.
Ah, the classic boxing stare out between Mr. T and Rocky.  I myself would be more intimidated by the beard.
I'm really not sure why everybody looks confused, that's not acting as he's genuinely cream crackered.
Look you bastard, I don't like the back of your head and you're really gonna get it. 
I reckon that he's struggling to focus because of his reduced vision, or pissed.
The Muay Thai impression was going worse than expected.
I am the Lip Part 2: Lippier.
I take it you yearn for a permanent nap and I'm happy to oblige.  Are you being strangled comfortably?  Oh well, shit happens.
Spare a former Green Beret any change for a cup of tea?
Sarah, will you let go of my fucking arm as it's not quite ready to detach from its socket.
It's just us now you piece of shit.  Now how d'yer like your gurn cooking?  Well done, bloody, medium rare or just rare?
Where are the hostages?  What the hell, fancy a curry and wash it down with a pint?
Never mind Sly, you'll have 70 years to cool down and consider things.
Gabe, we all know that Cobra was shit but it didn't ruin your career so get over it already.  However, the future's dull, the future's D-Tox.
Look ladies, if you wanna feast on a party sausage then look no further as I'm really 'that' tiny.
Mr. Greybeard obviously is a fan of the Hawkster.  As for his opponent, AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
The opportunity to show off that body art proved just too irresistible.
Convict, two things.  One - I am Meissner.  Two - Never fuck with Meissner.
Is this film really that depressing and/or boring?  Nope.
This is one rollercoaster that thrill seekers weren't especially looking forward to.
This is the bible on how to really fuck up an iconic comic book character, as conceived by Danny Cannon.
This is one dry shave that he could do without.
If you don't start doing as you're told, this is what I'm going to do to your love spuds.
Hope something raised a smile or encouraged a chortle.

They'll be more of a similar ilk so until then, I'll shut down with one of his most infamous lines...

ADDDRRRRIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN!!!!

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